KGSP2017 - Letter of self-introduction - My look towards the future

This is my first time writing Self-Introduction Letter. I hope you can check it and correct it for me.
Thank you.
I have to write about :
the following instructions to write about:
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea
______________________________

a great opportunity to do what I like the most

My name is Johana Barrientos, I was born in Caracas, the capital of Venezuela. I came from a small family with few economic resources that in exchange for the material, gave me an imponderable education based on Christian values of love and respect for God and for the neighbor, becoming this in my life style and forming in me the character and the Qualities of leadership, maturity and empathy that enabled me, from an early age, to perform with them the unequaled work of serving God through social work, singing, music, and teaching values to children and young people of the community, in order to help them to be useful people for God, the motherland and their own families.

This was part of the motivation that drove me to work in this same area since the young age of 12 years in activities that promoted social welfare, and generated in me the desire to expand my knowledge in the area of communications, more specifically in The Public Relations, as a tool that allows to form the link between society, companies and institutions to generate the common good. That is why I decide to apply my knowledge in a professional way in the Foundation of one of the most important companies in the country, Fundación Empresas Polar; Where I have been able to exercise the role of cultural promoter, with the aim of generating welfare to the community through public relations programs focused on teaching children and adolescents, our culture, and social, moral, ethical values , Family and religious that serve as a complement to their secular education; As well as the creation of meeting spaces, among companies, public institutions and society, through information, training and recreational activities.

Apart from my profession and the complementary activities, I have always been related and felt attraction for the Asian culture and more specifically in the last ten years by South Korea, reason why I have participated in multiple activities sponsored by the embassy in our Country, which has led me to read, learn and feel enthusiasm for its history, society, beliefs, lifestyle, music and technology, becoming part of this nation even though it is far away. That is why it is my search for continuous improvement, my desire arises for studying a postgraduate course in Korea, which serves to expand my knowledge and skills, while being part of a culture that I am passionate about.

I have chosen to apply in KGSP because it represents a great opportunity in my life to do what I like the most, in the place I like most, along with people with great experience in my area of study which will allow me to acquire the best knowledge of The best form and be able to put them into practice in one of the most advanced and avant-garde countries, in the area of communications and public relations.

I put my eyes and my aspirations on God and in a country with one of the best educations in the world to make my dreams come true.

I came from a small family withlimited financial resources that in exchange for [...], the motherland and their own families.

^This whole sentence is too long and I don't get your point, it's too confusing. try to break it up?

... KGSP because it provides a great opportunity (...) the best knowledge of The best form and be able to ...

... of the best educations in the world to ...

Johana, your first paragraph does not make any sense. Your family background should be just that, a family background that speaks of the family relationship in terms of your development as a person. Do not include any religious information in this instance unless you are applying via the uni track to a religion based university. It does not seem like you are applying as such so just remove that reference. Revise your opening statement.

Clarify your academic background. It seems like you do not have any formal academic training stemming from any age? Is that so? What is the reference always to supplemental learning? Did you or did you not go to college? You cannot just jump to your professional presentation in the essay without first laying the groundwork for it. That foundation is created through the presentation of your college education, at the very least.

Overall, this is one of the weakest letter of self introductions that I have read so far in this forum. It lacks informative content, does not accurately represent the necessary data to convince the reviewer that you would somehow qualify as a masters degree student, and lacks any true reason and motivation for an interest in a Korean education. There is no clear indication of the masters degree you wish to enroll in, what your motivations are, and how these relate to an interest to study in Korea.

I strongly suggest that you review the prompt requirements and write a new essay. One that better represents you in the manner that the reviewer requires you to present yourself for consideration. This essay is not going to accomplish that task.