Hello :) I would like to apply for the KSGP through the embasssy track, and i would like to share my personal statement essay with you in order to check whether you have any remarks and/or suggestions to improve it. Thank you ☺
The perfect opportunity
The Korean Government Scholarship Program represents the perfect opportunity for many people to pursue their studies in South Korea. A country that is known worldwide for the high quality for its educational system. South Korea is also considered the perfect blend of Modernity and Culture, for it is undoubtly a leader in modern technology and innovation, all while keeping its traditional side and preserving its culture. Studying in South Korea has been my dream since the age of 16 years old, when looking for the best universities and countries for higher education all across the world, I had came upon a list that enumerated the many advantages that Korea offers compared to other countries, especially in the engineering field. I believe that being an engineer goes deeper than the technical aspect of the job, it is also about managing a team and conducting a project, it is about being involved in every aspect of the project to ensure that things go smoothly while respecting the criteria set for the said project. I think that being a good engineer starts with being a great leader. Thus, why I have chosen Construction Management as a major for my Master's in order to develop my abilities and acquire new skills in this field, which will enable me to ensure a better career for myself in the future all while fulfilling my thirst for knowledge. KGSP also provides a great multicultural environment by regrouping people from all over the World. It is also something that I really appreciate in South Korea, it is a very diverse country where you can find people from different ethnicities, which will make this experience all the more rewarding for me since I have already taken part at a program as an exchange student (UGRAD Program) , where i got to spend one full semester in the USA studying Civil Engineering. This experience has been a major turning point in my life because thanks to it, I got to discover new aspects of my personality and open up myself to new people with different backgrounds, it is also thanks to this experience that I've started forging myself as a leader by taking part of different community services and workshops about leadership. I was also part of my university's Enactus Team as a team Manager, it was my first experience working in a group. These extracurricular activities have helped me a lot in developing my communication skills and becoming more receptive to new information, which helped me a lot during my internships at different engineering firms here in Morocco. Studying Construction Management in South Korea will open the path for me to grow as a person, to develop my skills as an engineer and become the great manager I want to be in the future in order to have a great career. All while discovering the incredible Korean culture and meeting people from all over the world. I believe it is going to be a life changing experience!
Thank you for reading, looking forward to read your comments
In general, you have to talk about how your work experience or your studies can be related or complemented with the master's degree you chose and because you chose Korea to do your master's degree, you have to handle not only cultural information but significant contributions from this country to your area of expertise.
Not only is it important to mention the leadership part, but also the research part, which is what you will focus on when you are there.
I hope you serve the advice!
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Alkhansaa, you have not provided a single bit of information that the personal statement requires. You have truly written a personal statement that suits what you want to tell the reviewer, but these are not the information that will help the reviewer decide if you will be a good candidate for the program. As you can see, there are guidelines by which you are to respond to the prompt and unfortunately, you are not doing a good job of responding to the first 3 instructions.
The essay has too strong a focus on the UGrad program, which is only one of the minor reasons for consideration in this essay. You must clearly respond to the first 3 prompts in relation to your application. Focus on creating a highly different presentation for your motivation to study in Korea and your reasons for studying in Korea. Do not merge the reasons into one presentation. You need to clarify your educational and professional experiences (none are presented in this essay) in relation to your application. Please, divide your presentation into paragraphs for easier reading on the reviewer's side. You should have at least 4 paragraphs to present in this discussion.
You are approaching this essay so informally that the reviewer will feel like you are not really qualified because you are not expanding on the required information. There are only implied responses to the discussion topics instead of fully developed, and informative presentations. You are glossing over it so much that this sounds more like you are just introducing yourself to a friend rather than engaging in a formal academic interview.
This is not just a weak essay for the scholarship, it is unusable in its current form. Do not submit this essay. It will be guaranteed to get you eliminated from the screening round. Write a new essay and this time, pay attention to the discussion topics from the instruction and present these in expanded, cohesive (meaning interrelated and relevant to the KGSP program considerations), and clear paragraph presentations.
Hello there. I hope my advice would be helpful for you to help your essay more persuasive. I think you should try to explain why you want to study master and what have you done so far to develop your skills for a postgraduate study. Because a master thesis requires you to conduct an independent research under the supervision of a professor. Try to elaborate what have you done to gain research skills and experience. Let's say you read books about research methods or attending classes regarding research methodology. That are valuable experience in relation to your chosen degree. You should emphasize on the fact that you're capable of doing research and that you can do an independent research. They won't give you the scholarship if they think you're ready to conduct a research by yourself.
I think the scholarship committee wants to know if you are passionate about doing research (because you're about to do a master thesis) and if you have research skills to fulfill your degree within the time required. If they don't see it through your application, they would put your application aside and consider someone else. You're also asked to study Korean for 1 year to obtain a language certificate, so try to tell them that you're interested in that and tell them that the reason why you want to study in Korea. Matching yourself with their requirements will help them understand that they should give you the scholarship rather than other candidates. I think it is important to know what they want rather than what we want to achieve first.
Again, this is my personal thoughts. I hope it help you develop a better essay. All the best to your application! ^^