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'I lived in New Jersey' - important life event



singh955 7 / 35  
Jan 14, 2012   #1
prompt: Discuss an important event in your life that changed or impacted you significantly. Explain how and why (no more than 700 words).

In a certain time of my life, I lived in New Jersey and this was actually the first placed I lived in the United States. Being new to the country then, I had to make adjustments in my lifestyles so I could be successful here in America. Back in India, I was the very shy kid who would keep to himself all the time. Somehow, I still managed to make a few friends even with my socially introverted personality.

When I arrived in New Jersey though, I only knew three people: mom, dad, sister. This was a total nightmare because even though I was very shy, I still liked having friends to have fun with. In addition to the isolated conditions I was dealing with, I spoke very minimal English at the time.

For about the first month being in the States, I did not venture out of our apartment and during this time, the only people I talked to were the members of my family. I also arrived during summer vacation so I was not able to go to school and hope that people would notice me and come talk to me. Also, since my mom was very culturally attached to our homeland, she only made Indian food. Back in India, I had the theory that I would eat American food often. The only real American food I had eaten so far were the french fries my dad bought me at the McDonald's in the airport.

Certainly, I was in a very miserable circumstance. I grew tired of my isolated conditions and wanted a change, and after contemplating for about a week, I finally decided to venture around the vicinity of my apartment complex. On this adventure, I discovered a restaurant right behind my apartment complex. I then quickly ran home to get money to eat at the restaurant.

When I was first about to enter this restaurant, the same introverted personality was staring to come back and had second thoughts about going into the place. I buckled up and convinced that it would not be so bad. Having gone through the doors, I went to the counter and ordered the first thing on the menu with a very heavy Indian accent: a slice of cheese pizza. After eating the first one, I fell in love with this new triangular shaped bread. I then departed the restaurant but promised myself that I would be a frequent visitor.

On my way back, I continued to adventure around my apartment complex. I yet again, made another interesting discovery: a community swimming pool. My day came to a close, though, when I realized that it was getting late and my mom would be worried. I then finally departed home.

I continued to adventure around for most of the following days. Finally one day, I met my first friend at the swimming pool who also Indian like myself but spoke both English and Punjabi. He is the person to show me around the whole neighborhood and also helped me with English.

In retrospect, that one day single when I set aside my shyness, my life to changed. My old socially reclusive and introverted personality transformed into a open and adventurous personality. I was not afraid of meeting people, but sought after kids my age whom I could befriend and play with. I think if it wasn't for that day, I still would have not been able to make as many friends that I currently have and would not have tried as many delicious foods.

besareso 1 / 13  
Jan 14, 2012   #2
"Back in India, I was very shy kid who would keep to himself all the time." change it to that one

Finally one day, I met my first friend at the swimming pool who also Indian like myself but spoke both English and Punjabi. He is the person to show me around the whole neighborhood and also helped me with Englis

Change it to

"finally one day, I met my first friend at the swimming pool who was Indian like myself and spoke both English and Punjabi". "He was the person to show me around the whole neighborhood and also help me with my English"

Over all i liked your story.
gurecka 2 / 7  
Jan 14, 2012   #3
In a certain time of my life, I lived in New Jersey and this was actually the first placed I lived in the United States.

awkward sentence... say what ages...

try this: I moved from India to New Jersey in ____, and resided there until i was ____ years old.

For about the first month being in the States, I did not venture out of our apartment and during this time, the only people I talked to were the members of my family.

try : The entire first month i lived in the united stated i only spoke to my family and rarely left my apartment.

. I buckled up and convinced that it would not be so bad. Having gone through the doors, I went to the counter and ordered the first thing on the menu with a very heavy Indian accent: a slice of cheese pizza.

Say: I buckled up and convinced myself it would be okay. I walked through the doors, went to the counter, and ordered with a heavy Indian accent the first thing on the menu: a slice of cheese pizza.

In retrospect, that one day single when I set aside my shyness, my life to changed.

Looking back, I realize that my life changed simply because I was able to set aside my shyness.


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