Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?
Medical health care are not just in demand, it is a necessity. Many physicians and paramedics are constantly involved in global disasters and crisis areas. These medical practitioners are willing to risk their lives to save others' at all costs; their knowledge and skills are applied to revise and replenish the health of people who lack access of medical care. I aspire to be a physician who can enhance the quality of health of others inside and outside the clinic. I wish to continue my high school education by doing outreach to vulnerable populations or populations with limited access to health care. I would like to work alongside and interact with other medical professionals to gain insight on various types of emergency care and long term treatments for different diseases. I hope to be able to pursue my passions as a college graduate and to able to contribute to the common cause - which is to preserve the health of the individuals of diverse populations through patient care, research, and outreach.
In order to gather my knowledge and strength to prepare me to go on the road of medicine, I enroll in some of the most rigorous classes in my high school. My current goal for this year is to dedicate my best effort into the study of biology as I feel like it is necessary to build my pre-medicine foundation at a young age, cumulative knowledge will help me in the long run in college. I rule out all the personal enjoyments during my high school year, knowing that I need to put in extra effort in order to keep up and excel my fellow classmates because English is not my native language, and dedicate my time into studying and adapt to the new American culture at the same time I want to exceed all expectations and create a stabled academics background for further college education. I believe that my studies in AP Chemistry and Biology will provide me a sea of fundamental knowledge and solely prepare me for my major in biochemistry major in college.
Life is a novel made up of short stories and some how those stories can inter connect to one another making a linked chain to create life. I believe that little steps that I am taking both in society and in school will some how guide me to achieve my ultimate goal that is working as a medical practitioner and making a positive impact on people's health and incentive to give back to serve my community no matter where I am on Earth.
GOod essay, but make sure you address:
WHY medicine? your response to this is a little vague, a bit generic, and could use a little more passion and empathy. you want colleges to see your burning desire for becoming a doctor, right? right now, your essay sounds a little hollow but polite to me. use stronger language to express how much you want this!
also try to link it back to you and yourself, your history, etc, more. a little more personal, maybe?
hope this helps! :)
Thanks for the feedback! I'll keep working it, though I thought I expressed my reasons clearly via the first 2 sentences in the introduction.