Nursing provides to people great care and improve their health.

Please state educational and career goals and the reason for choosing your major.Help me revise short essay!

For as long as I can remember I had an infatuation with nurses. How they worked at the same levels as doctors and surgeons but were more compassionate and gentle and all knowing. Its my goal in life to become a pediatric oncologist nurse. Cancer has been vast part of my life since elementary school. The disease of cancer intrigued my mind, and introduced me to the medical field. I began using my free to learn about cancer and other medical things. During high school I took sports medicine, which introduced me to anatomy and working with athletes(patients). A great aspect of nursing is communicating with your patients and being able to read them. And being an athletic trainer in sports medicine, thats what I had to do.

I'm choosing nursing as my major, because my passion is literally helping others, and learning. My goal is to receive my bachelors in nursing, and then RN license, I plan to work towards specializing in pediatrics and then oncology. I hope one day to maybe be able to do cancer research, as i mentioned earlier the process behind how cancer works really intrigues me. I've seen many people have cancer and watched how it affected their lives and those around them and I want to be able to help those people with the healing process. I think a large part of nursing is also being there for your patients and families emotionally, and I believe I can do that because I have felt the repercussions of cancer within my own family.

You do not really present any educational goals in your essay. What I have read are mostly shallow, almost child like reasons for wanting to be a nurse. You come across more as wanting to play a game of patient - nurse than actually having a calling for the vocation. How about trying to explain an interest in human anatomy and biology on your part in order to explain your educational goal for wanting to become a nurse. Displaying an interest in these to topics and then adding the fact that you were often in the care of nurses as a child would present an excellent foundation for your educational interest in nursing. Your reasoning for your career goals comes across a unrealistic as well. Just stick closer to earth and explain how you want to specialize in pediatric oncology for personal reasons (if you suffered from a form of cancer as a child) and how you wish to present the same kind of care, understanding, and empathy for those children suffering the same illness these days. The original essay that you wrote does not properly touch on these topics. The form of writing that you used is not only casual, but highly informal and uninformative. You need to strengthen the overall content of your essay in the long form before we can even begin to work on shortening it to meet the maximum word requirements.

You need to add more specific details to your goal and also explain how you are going to accomplish them as well
Talk about any struggles you have or will have during college and how you will or have overcame those struggles to meet your goals.

The one question your essay needs to answer in particular is, "Why do you want to become a "Pediatric Oncologist Nurse?". That is an intriguing idea for the essay. Not everyone who wishes to become a nurse has a specialization in mind so you should center your educational goals around that particular requirement. What is it about regular nursing that you feel is lacking so that you wish to specialize instead? How do you see yourself making a difference in patient care by becoming this kind of nurse and how does the specialized education you will be receiving allow you to address the specific needs of these patients? Those are the educational / career goals that you need to shed light upon in order to write a more responsive and revealing response essay.