In my own words: Why is a scholarship important to you?

IN YOUR OWN WORDS, WHY IS RECEIVING THIS SCHOLARSHIP IMPORTANT TO YOU?
Your essay should be 500-800 words.

So far this is what I have:

The interests and choices I have made since I was young, makes it was obvious that engineering has been on my mind. At only four years old, I was asking questions about gravity, wondering why if the earth was round how come people didn't just "fall off the earth." I began thinking on terms of how certain items work, taking things apart just to see the how the mechanics work properly inside. Quickly learning everything possible about the devices, I would assemble them back together. Every now and then I was able to figure out a way to build it better than it was before.

As I took on high school, I was one of ten students selected to attend a program called OSMTech, Oakland Science and Mathematics Academy. This four year curriculum focused on and emphasized the engineering fields directly through math, science, and technology. During my high school years, I was a part of a robotics team that also exemplified the engineering world around me, helping me to understand what engineering really meant to me. As I prepare for college I want to excel into the Mechanical Engineering degree so that I can progress further into my engineering dream.

These days college is becoming more difficult to afford. It is turning out to be a challenge to fund a college education. Scholarships are the best way to keep advancing into this field of engineering. Not only does a scholarship reward with money, but it is prestigious and an honor to receive one. It proves to others that you are one of the best students. It gives recognition and the credit earned through hard work and dedication. I want to be the one who shows this commitment and determination as I progress through an engineering degree.

If awarded this scholarship, I would be able to not only fulfill my own aspirations, but this scholarship will be a gift that keeps on giving. Mechanical Engineers visualize and implement programs and devices that advance our daily life. They are concerned with constructing a better tomorrow, improving the world with each step. When I obtain my degree, I will be able to aid in the creation of an improved society and enhance the world for our children.

I cant think of anything else to include and right now the length is not long enough. Also does this sound good so far or should I change anything? Any help please? Thanks

Change this "...I was asking quesions about gravity, wondering why, if the earth was round, people didn't just "fall off the earth." Unless you are trying to make is sound like you are channeling the voice of you as a child. If that is so then try putting more of it in quotations like this:

...I was asking questions about gravity like, "If the earth is round, how come people don't just fall off the earth?"

Perhaps you can take some time to talk about this specific scholarship and what makes it more important to you than the average scholarship. Is this a part of a school program? If so talk about why that program attracted your attention and why you like the school it is put on by. You might also consider elaborating more on why you chose the field of work that you did and how the experiences you got from your life have continuously reinforced your desire to get an engineering degree. I know that you have a basic outline there of what I am saying but you could add more.

Also the third paragraph is a little general. The reader will probably already know what a scholarship does and why it is important(MONEY) so what they want to hear is why it is important to you specifically. Don't talk about scholarships in general. Talk about this particular scholarship and why it is unique to for you.

My interests and the choices I have made since I was young, make it was obvious that engineering has been on my mind.

I began thinking on terms of how certain things work, taking things apart just to see the how the mechanics work properly inside.

Every now and then I was able to figure out a way to build something better than it was before.

As I prepare for college I want to excel in the Mechanical Engineering degree so that I can progress further into my engineering dream.

Not only does a scholarship provide money, but it is prestigious and an honor to receive one.

Guatama had some good suggestions, and here are a few more fixes.

Good luck!

:)

That about covers it, really. They already know why scholarships in general are important -- that's why they have them. What they don't know is why they should give one to you instead of to one of the other hundreds of applicants. So, tell them. Even the first part of your essay doesn't really do this. It introduces you, which is okay, I guess, but you want better than okay for this sort of thing. Can you explain why the details you give about yourself form a justification for getting the scholarship? That would really strengthen your essay.

Ok thank you all very much. This was a great help!