Hi everyone, I'm looking for feedback on my AAS personal statement.
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
With a rapid technological evolution, many Africans are an attractive target to cybercriminals. However, according to the Africa Defence Forum, only about 20 of 54 countries introduced cybersecurity legislation. The region is targeted as the soft "underbelly" of the global business network, which has left more than 90% of African businesses and individuals vulnerable due to a lack of cybersecurity protocols.
In 2018, my father fell victim to a ransomware attack that forever altered our lives. He seemingly received an urgent email from his bank titled "Critical Account Update Required". The sender urged him to verify his account details immediately to prevent unauthorized transactions, which he did, unknowingly providing the attacker with his online banking credentials. The attacker instructed him to put in a series of codes and confirmations which initiated a transfer of $50,000 to an offshore account, emptying his bank account.
He sought legal help to recover the lost amount, but tracing the offshore transactions proved challenging. He died of a heart attack which left us devastated. I realized a critical role in safeguarding individuals and businesses in our interconnected world, where digital vulnerabilities lurk around every corner.
The predicament that befell my family is a driving force to study Bachelor of Law/Bachelor of Science (Computer Science Or Information Systems)(LLB/BIT) to understand cybercrimes and digital forensics as ways to protect others in my community and the world. This will help me advocate for better legal measures against social engineering and phishing attacks.
Murdoch University's five-star rating for cutting-edge research, innovative learning experience, and high-quality teaching signifies excellence across various aspects of education. Also, studying LLB/BIT at Murdoch University provides you an opportunity to study a degree that has been designed in collaboration with industry advisors and clients, to specialize in technology-related fields such as cybersecurity, organizational systems design, application design, and development or artificial intelligence (AI) and benefit from the university's strong ties to the law and IT industry.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,851 
4786 Limit your response to 200 words maximum. The system will cut off your response at the 200 word count, thus leading you to submit an incomplete response. Your application could be disqualified because of that. Revise the essay to meet the maximum word requirement. Do not wait till the actual submission to edit the information in the text box. The submission box will shut down after several minutes, leaving you with a problematic response submission. Edit the response now. You do not need to tell the story of your father. That is why the essay is incorrectly long. You should be focusing on matching your skills with the requirements of the 2 universities you have chosen to study at in Australia instead. You cannot have just one university choice. Additionally, your explanation for attending the university is severely under developed. Eliminate the unnecessary story about your father to have more word allowance towards the actual necessary information for the response.
