Putting academic knowledge in practice is essential. Future plan for 2017 KGSP

Good day to all,
I'm working on my application for 2017 KGSP. This is my future plan below. I've tried to make it as specific as i can. Please let me know is there any thing can be done better. have a good day!

Future Plan after Study
Future plan in Korea or another country after study in Korea

work in Samsung Company

Putting academic knowledge in practice is essential. Not only for gaining practical experience in workplace but also to contribute my ability back to the Korean society, after completing my master's degree in International business, I plan to work in Korea for two years before going back to (My home country). The title of my research paper is about the international marketing strategy of Korean entertainment industry, which is to explore the strategy of international marketing and how it can be apply to business in my home country. Thus, I aim to work in marketing department in the top international cooperation in Korea, like Samsung, for the further understanding of the applied techniques. While working in the company, I will apply the business knowledge I learned in university and graduate school in practice. Being able to speak three languages fluently by then, I hope to become the useful asset to the company and provide them ideas with my international perspective. Meanwhile, I will keep on uploading my blog to share my stories in Korea with the world and to help out those who are interesting in Korean culture or planning to study or work in Korea.

After going back to (My home country), I plan to work in Samsung Company in (My home country) for another two years. With the experience of working in Korea, I am surely qualified and know well about the company tasks. By comparing the different branch offices, I get to understand the localization of marketing and have a clearer picture of Taiwanese markets.

Small and Medium Enterprise account the majority of business in (My home country), however the lack of the knowledge of international trade and marketing becomes the huge obstacles for (My home country) business to grow international wise. My father started a business from scratch since he was young, due to the childhood poverty, he did not pursue high education. Even holding a patent in many countries on a technique of producing goods in the industry, without the international business knowledge and marketing skills, the hard work goes in vain. After receiving high education in international business and practical working experience in marketing, I plan to go back to my hometown, pick up the business, and put the blueprint in practice.

Thank you so much! have a good day!

Your essay is just a mere repetition of the information that you used in your motivation letter. Thus, it does not accurately represent a solid post graduate plan. This fixation with Samsung is one of the main problems in your career plan. you should be open to working for any company in Morea that will hire you after you graduate. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. If Samsung decides not to hire you, I feel you will not be able to proceed with an employment plan during your required time of stay in Korea. Your post study plans should focus less on the company and more on developing your practical experience in reference to your theoretical learning as a masters student.

The later part of your essay is confusing as well. You mentioned something about your father starting his own business when he was young. Was he able to grow this business? Does it still exist today? Do your post study plans include a responsibility to help improve the business platform your father started?

This essay should actually be one full page. You still have room for at least 2 more paragraphs on your page. Revise the content of the essay based upon this review. Add information. Reflect on the best type of post study plan for yourself, within this career. Don't rely on your motivational presentation. Try to develop new post study ideas and clarify the point about your father's business. Those changes should tie in to create a more comprehensive post study plan.

@Holt
Thank you so much for your advices! I really appreciated it. Since i didn't mention about my fathers business in my study plan, I decided not to do so in my future plan either. I am actually also working on my study plan as well. is it okay to close this thread first and then post a new one about my study plan?

If you are working on both plans simultaneously, that might not be a good idea. You might wish to continue getting advice regarding the improvements for this essay. However, since I am suggesting an addition to the plan, which would change the whole presentation, then you could very well close this thread and open a new one with the additional information. It will be considered a new essay because a majority of the content will have changed. I really suggest that you work on your study plan first because the results of that study can be applied to your post study or future plans. Specially in relation to your father's business. It might serve your purpose to close this essay thread first. The decision is actually yours to make. Either way, I will help you with the development of your study plan.

@Holt
I thought I am only allowed to post one at a time. I will leave this thread open until its done. I did post the one for my study plan on a new thread. Please check it out if it's okay. thanks a lot!

You are allowed to post multiple threads for different essays. You are not allowed to post more than one essay in one thread. So in this instance, you cannot post an additional essay for advice in this thread. This is dedicated solely to your post study plan. Your goal of study should be posted as a separate essay. Just remember that before you can post a new essay, you have to first help the other students here. Advice on at least 2 other essays. Make sure the advice you give is valid and helpful. Otherwise the moderators will flag your account, suspend it and close the new threads that you have created. The rules to follow here are relatively simple. I hope you can follow them so that we can continue to have a vibrant community of English learners here. Everyone appreciates any and all the advice that they can get so don't worry about it. Just make sure it is a helpful comment and you will be fine.