Questbridge Short Answer Essay - Proudest Achievement/Moment; I led prayer at the Islamic center

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

After years of being a participant at the local mosque, it was finally time for me to take the next step. As an uncle nudged me to the front of the room, I ran through each line I was meant to recite, every motion I would be leading the small crowd through. I was facing a wall but I knew there were rows of people behind me ready to worship Allah following my lead. Allah Hu Akbar. My wobbly voice echoed throughout the mosque for everyone to hear.

I will never forget the day I led prayer at the Islamic center. It's a moment in my life that I look back on with utmost pride. It was the climax of my religious and cultural journey. For the first time, as the Muslims behind me went into prostration on my call, I felt a complete connection to Allah, my religion, and my community. Born and raised outside of a strong Muslim presence, I struggled with confidence, feeling like an outsider or a fake in my own religion. This moment, a leap of faith, took me outside my comfort zone and solidified my sense of belonging.

The essay feels under developed. While the first and second paragraphs are striking and somewhat memorable, there is a lack of backstory development that would help the reader better understand the grounds upon which this achievement or moment was based upon. Take the second paragraph and make that the first paragraph instead. It creates the backstory. Then insert a paragraph inbetween to show the development into the moment. Then hit the reader with the actual event. I know that this is a word limited response so yes, you will need to revise the presentation to better build the climax of the story. It is important to emphasize why this is personal accomplishment is notable through the use of the backstory. Do not be so quick to dismiss it as mere summarized mentions in the story, use specifics to make your point.