I try so hard to get my essay to flow and answer the question and make sense, but I'm struggling. Please Help
Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How?
My whole life I have been the shy girl. The disadvantage of being shy is not making many friendships. What I lacked in friends in real life, the friends I made in books always made up for it. The adventures I had in books included solving mysteries with Nancy Drew, revolting against the government with Tris Prior, and prevent a war between the gods with Percy Jackson. However, once I closed the book my adventure for the day would also come to a close. After each story ended, I slowly realized I wanted something more. I wanted to start experiencing adventures in reality. I want to zipline in Costa Rica, I want to base jump in Rio, and I want to scuba dive in Australia. And mainly I wanted real friends.
Being shy has also made it difficult for me to communicate my feelings or ideas to people. My shyness has kept me in a shell that I had trouble leaving but I was determined to break it. When I entered high school, I was no longer the "shy girl". I woke up every morning with a positive attitude and began saying hi to my peers. Although I was still mildly timid whenever a teacher wanted me to present a project, I continued to stay positive and smile. Soon I built up enough confidence to join clubs. I joined the Reading Bowl Team because of my love of reading and made like minded friends.
It wasn't easy overcoming my extreme shyness but it was possible. I'm still not the most talkative person, but the difference now is I am no longer afraid to speak up. My shyness will not hide my bubbly personality anymore. Nor will it fit in a shell.
Thelicia, I read through your essay and right off the bat, it already made me sad, you started the essay,
as much personal as you can get, you made it very weak. In order to counter my emotions towards your essay,
I did my research on the scholarship and here's what I found, this scholarship needs strong people, future leaders
and people who are willing to take the risks no matter how big or small it is.
Now, I'm not saying that you are weak, because choosing to enter in this scholarship is already showing that you are
a good and strong leader as you can be, you have dreams, you have goals and you're geared up for it.
So here's my suggestion, re - write your essay with a different approach, strong, confident and ready for the world.
Thelicia, one thing that I do when I write something, I research and that's exactly what I want you to do, I know that
you read and heard about this scholarship but do yourself a big favor, read, research and reflect on what this scholarship is
about and you will be able to come up with a stronger essay.
I hope to see your revised essay soon, the scholarship is ending in March.
