My skills and knowledge. SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION ABOUT FUTURE GOALS

SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION

Please help me to correcting my essay
Is this strong enough to pass scholarship selection?

Question One
What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your proposed study? (max. 250 words)

I am applying a master program in Public Health because my future goal is to be a health practitioner expert that help community to improve their public health level. As a health promoter I have high interest in developing strategic to create health promotion media related to diversities issues such as culture, educational background, and religion in order to pricisely support to improve public health level in diversities community. I believe this master's program can prepare me to assume speciality in the field of health promotion.

Not stopping there, as a leader of quality team, I demanded to have comprehensive knowledge about health care management, organizatioan, and quality in health care in order to manage, maintain, and improve our health services quality. Studying master's of Publc health is a way to realize my future goals and link between my background study, current job responsibilities, and future goal.

Question 2
Why are the skills and knowledge you describe important to your country's development? (max. 250 words). Where possible you should refer to data and research that supports your argument

Indonesia is a developing country that facing many health issues. Issues that really being concern are infant mortality rate ( right now 40/ 1000 births life, the target in 2015 was 32/ 1000 births life) and maternal mortality rate (right now 359/ 100. 000 births life, the target in 2015 was 102/100.000 births life ). Some researches showed that risk factor of the infant mortality rate are poor health behavior of the community and health care low quality and risk factors of the maternal mortality are nutrition intake, birth in young age, and health care low quality.

Poor health behaviors, nutrition intake, and birth in young can be improved by strong health promotion so can change their poor health behaviors. Unfortunately, health promotion in Indonesia somehow developed without pay attention to diversities so the impact of the promotion didn't effective enough to change their behaviors because some communities doesn't understand the media health promotion used. Health care quality is one of the factors that can help to improve infant and maternal mortality rate. That's means, the better health care quality the more decreased infant and maternal mortality rate.

Studying master's of Public Health can help me to assume speciality in the field of health promotion and health care management to improve poor health behaviors and health care quality so decreased infant and maternal mortality rate can be reached effectively.

Question Three
How will you use your new knowledge and skills to contribute to the development of your home country? (max.250 words)

After graduating master's of public health, I have plan to build regional health promotion network. This network will motion in advocating regional government and regional health department about creating and producing health media promotion by giving attention to diversities and develop new strategic to do health promotion effectively so regional target about decreasing infant and maternal mortality can be reach. I am sure my new title will help me to convincing regional government and regional health department to believe in me.

I also has plan to build regional health care quality team. This team will responsible to make sure all of the health care in my regional area have same standard, goals, and strategic to improve health care quality so better services can be given to the community.

Thank you

Diga, your response to question 1 is wrong. Do not use that response because it is off topic. The prompt is asking you about the skills and knowledge you hope to gain from your studies. It is not asking you to describe your work and skills. Write a response that is better suited to the prompt expectations. Learn the syllabus, explain how it will help you do a better job. Don't tell the reviewer about your job.

Your responses to questions 2 and 3 are correct so there is nothing to edit or revise in relation to your response to those questions. It is just the first question that you seem to have misunderstood and therefore, offered a different response from what is expected of you. Just work on changing your response to question 1 to an appropriate response and the form will be all set for your use.

@digaprasiska
Your opening paragraph in question 1 is okay, but the second paragraph doesn't relate to the question. What courses are you willing to learn? Visit the university's prospectus; learn the provided courses so that you know what are you looking for. Mentioning some of them in your essay shows that you really work hard to read the details of your future study. If it is possible, try to see if there are trainings, seminars or other activities that might support your academic and practical skills and mention them on the essay. By doing so, the reviewer will see that you have a clear objective of what you are going to do if you get the scholarship.

@digaprasiska

Hi Diga,

In question number one, It says what skills you will gain and knowledge. I believe you already have proposed study in your mind when you decided to apply for the scholarship. Having clear proposed study will help you answer the question about skills and knowledge you will have. Because you must benefit from your study and especially readers and researchers.

Take time to think about it so you can come up with a good answer.

Thanks.