Thanking you in advance for your feedback! ^^
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
Working as an educator for over 16 years, I had seen a sudden shift in students' learning needs, especially during the Covid-19 Pandemic. There is an immediate need for innovative educators who can adapt and improve teaching and learning quality to ensure that the students receive the best education possible. By pursuing the Master of Education, I hope to become a pedagogical leader capable of leading teachers to deliver effective teaching and learning for future education.
As Australia's top-ranked university in the field of education, The University of Melbourne is my first preference to study Master of Education. It provides me with an opportunity to design my course, allowing me to connect to the latest developments in effective teaching and learning. For example, the unit of study Teaching for Student Engagement will teach me to reflect on teachers' innovative work in bringing students and curriculum together. Quality Assessment Design would show me how to use assessment for school's growth. In addition, their Education Ambassador Program will provide me with an opportunity to network with colleagues and staff.
The University of Queensland is my second preference to study Master of Educational Studies. It offers units of study that will help me become pedagogical leader. For example, the unit of study Foundation of the Science of Learning would teach how to collaboratively create a set of Learning, Teaching and Leading Principles. Professional Development, Mentoring & Supervision will teach the skills to facilitate teachers' professional growth through supervision and mentoring.
Finally, the fact that Australia has the most international students shows that the world recognises its quality. By pursuing a Master of Education degree at the University of Melbourne or The University of Queensland, I will expand my professional knowledge, advance my career in education, and establish a network for future education in Indonesia.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,699 3503
You can remove the reference to Covid-9 in the discussion since it is not a major factor in your discussion presentation and, it is also not a major factor when considering your scholarship application. Your other documents and the content of your essays will determine if you qualify or not. The mention of Covid - 19, which is being done by all the students shows how limited your view is of the way that scholarships run, thinking that only a single theme or topic, when mentioned, will make you a contender for the scholarship.
In truth, the essay you wrote, when based on the general educational outlook and trending references to innovative education carry more weight and shows a more analyzed reason for your application. You already show the reviewer that you have leadership ambitions for yourself in the presentation. However, the last paragraph, the reference to Australia in general does not really help your application. Rather, I believe that you should use the final paragraph to reiterate your ambition as a future educator who will utilize the opportunity to study in Australia to help modernize the educational system in your country. A comparison between the two educational systems and the main reason you hope to modernize it for the betterment of your future country leaders would increase the profile of your application.