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Tell us about paid or voluntary work experience and/or how you plan to contribute to Uni

thaobui1907 2 / 4 2  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
Please tell us about paid or voluntary work experience that you have completed and/or how you plan to contribute to student life.

My living experiences have been built up by a lot of paid works and voluntary duties.
Right after graduation, I was employed as a banking accountant in Vietnam Multimedia Corporation. Self-conducting assigned tasks after 3-month training, being nominated as one of three the youngest outstanding staffs and a part of the excellent team of the company are undeniable evidences for my maturity after a year working hard. However, being inside the workforce, I realized the shortcoming of current management system compared to the International Standards as the severe defect of Vietnam's companies. Hence, Reform is inevitable to integrate.

Besides, charity activities also have an important part of my life. Extending from university life to current, I participate in several blood donation festivals. Aware of the shortage of sufficient living facilities and education materials in distant areas, I call upon my acquaintances and intimates to hold frequently the events of collecting used clothes and studying equipment to send to the disable and needed children. Penetrating their pain reminds me how lucky I am and my responsibility to the society.

Being a color in the picture of campus life, I will be an active, exclusive and impressive shade. Beyond just an international student, my assembly to variety of events creates a chance to bring out Vietnam's history and customs to fortify the cultural diversity that university is desiring, especially, throughout typical traditional celebrations or games. Moreover, taking part in my favorite club- the university Men's football club is the way I get involved quickly in new environment of global friends, and nourish my passion with football in its town. From personal activities to social contribution, I will bring with all volunteer experiences in the past to keep participating in the various social activities cooperating between university and several charity organizations. Particularly, the sympathy with the torture that my niece and many cancer patients suffer drives me to choose Macmillan organization to register for. My contributions to university are even further with the role of alumni that is the bridge assisting me to approach university to a giant education market in Vietnam.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
Thao. you should take a more integrated approach to the essay prompt. What I mean by an integrated approach is for you to discuss your work experience at say, the bank. then discuss the experience that you had working there and the kind of money that you were earning. Explain how you used the money in your personal life. Then relate your personal expenses to your student life. include an explanation as to how you feel that your experience at the bank will help you become a better student or a better friend to your classmates and dorm mates.

The blood donation drive that you always join is a nice touch for the essay. I would suggest that you indicate how you plan to continue participating in the activity in college. Maybe mention becoming a member of the university chapter of the Red Cross or a similar organization.

I think you should open your essay with your current conclusion. I has an interesting opening statement that could very well hook the reviewer and entice him to continue reading your essay. If you can somehow connect other volunteer or paid activities to your opening statement, you will be able to further prove to the reviewer that you have a well rounded personality and you are not just all about academics.
ntlinh 2 / 6 1  
Jan 28, 2016   #3
Dear thaobui1907,

You have gained quite a lot practical experiences. However, I found your experiences were not connected so much: a bank job, social volunteer and charity job. May I ask which subjects that you studied, as it is better if you could write your experience in the way it has a connection and support to your major subject.

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