Essay for USEFP 2018 undergraduate semester exchange program. Why you didn't accept my essay

Essay for usefp 2018 undergraduate samster exchange program

application for usefp program

I would like to start from a little introduction of myself. My name is ... and I am _ years old.
Currently, I am studying in Sir Syed University of Engineering and Technology, Karachi.
Let's go to further details about my personality, social life and hobbies. I belong from Northern Area of Gilgit Baltistan. I came from a respectable and small family who have been very supportive and encouraged to fulfil my dreams. I am a confident, friendly and open mind person. I love humanity and like to help other people. I try my best to give respect to everyone. My favourite hobby is reading books and sometimes listen motivational videos. As a student, I always keep balance between my studies and social activities. I always have been an outgoing person, sharing good experience with people. Beside this, I like to travel all around the country to meet with people and discovering new places.

I want to mention here that I recently donated my blood. Blood donation is not only helping others bad condition also, important to save a life.

In my free time, I like to play different games like hockey. Once I won meddle in running competition in my high school. Secondly, I got certificate in mountain hiking frim Sakrdu, Gilgit Baltistan (which is attached with my academic records). I like to do painting and sketching plus participating in media-role. Recently, I've joined one school as a volunteer. Participating in different types of seminars is one of my favourite hobbies because it gives us a lot of knowledge and inhales our skills.

I have got a passion to study engineering since my childhood and give my best to learn about engineering inside and out of university.
My life is always being in struggle and facing problems from my early hood. When I was in Grade 4th, my parents sent me to boarding school for two years which was located in another state of Pakistan namely Chakwal, Punjab. As a child, I was not happy there but when I came back to my hometown Sakrdu I realized that you must have a good environment for study and achieve your goals. I decided to go to Lahore for further studies after completing of my high school. I studied FSC in two years and stayed in hostel but this time I was happy to meet with new people and make friends. After this, I came to Karachi and enrolled for FSC pre-engineering in major subjects Maths, Physics and Chemistry. I am always punctual and hard-working person. When I came here, I found that personal grooming is more important along studies meeting with people, making friends and explore a lot of new things. From my early days in university, suddenly I realized that not everything could be learned in lecture hall or classrooms.

As the matter of fact, I am an engineer since my childhood. Whenever I got a new toy I was used to break it and examine how it was made and which things are included. These always keep me energetic every time. The constant Challenge of the engineering field is appealing because I will be learning each and every day as I adapt to new technologies and process. Engineering offers daily challenge in creative and logical problems which is sure to keep me interested. If you are curious about how things work and have a keen mind for applying what you learn to solve real world problems engineering is the perfect avenue for your talents. My goal is to use my skills to be a positive influence on society.

The reasons why I am applying for this programme are mentioned below;
First of all, it will help me to improve my English language and enhance my skills. Secondly, I want to meet and know people closely from another part of the world. As a citizen of developing nation, I want to experience the great and colourful American culture. As a friendly person, I would definitely love to meet and making new friends, boosting my knowledge. I also want to exchange some good things like rich culture and traditions of Pakistan. To get an opportunity to travel and spend a semester in USA would not only be highly beneficial in academic point of view also, learning the Americans values will further improve my self-confidence.

To conclude I would like to say many thanks to USEFP for giving us a chance to participate in this great learning programme. I have humble request to respected officers, on the behalf of above given information please give me a chance to experience more practical life which would be really helpful for me.

Thank You
Kind Regards

Please check my essay

Ushna, you cannot use any part of this essay for your USEFP application because the grammar is so horrid, it sounds like it was written for an English as a Second Language assessment class rather than for a Fulbright scholarship application. The content is so elementary and does not deliver the kind of personal statement that would convey a sort of confidence to the reviewer regarding your ability to function as a higher level student in the United States. I am sorry to be so blunt about the faults of your essay but, I need to mention the worst elements of your writing in order to help you develop a better and more relevant personal statement.

When you write your new personal statement, you need to focus on delivering a number of important information for the consideration of the reviewer. Let me try and break it down for you in an outline form.

1. Open the essay with an introduction to your family background. How many siblings do you have? Do you have a complete set of parents? What are their occupations? Why is your family important to you? Would you say your family is influential in your future plans? If not, then who do you consider an influential figure in your life and why?

2. What do you enjoy doing during your spare time? What achievements have you reached? Do you think that these achievements are something the reviewer should take note of ? If yes, then why?

3. Describe the foundation of your interest in Engineering. What activities did you engage in to help you prepare for your college education in this field? What Engineering related activities are you engaged in when you are not in school?

4. Discuss your educational background. You said you are currently an Engineering student. What year level at you at the university? Do you have any academic achievements that could help set you apart from the other applicants?

5. If you have a university in mind to attend, explain why you chose that university. What course do you want to enroll in? Why do you think this university will be the best place to achieve your Engineering training plans? What programs are of interest to you at the university?

6. Why did you decide to study in America? Delve on the academic reasons you have, making it clear that you plan to go back home after completing the course in order to apply what you have learned in the redevelopment of your country.

These guide questions should help you develop a more relevant personal statement for your application. If you feel that you are not confident in developing a properly worded essay in response to the guide questions, then I suggest that you seek professional writing help for more relevant writing assistance. You can refer to our services link above if you wish to seek further help with your essay development.

Thanks for your guidelines. I am sorry that i didn't follow the specific rules to write a essay. As the matter of fact, i thought we just have to mention all the details about us in one paragraph as they asked in question criteria. I want to ask is this criteria helpful to write a good essay? I will definitely follow your advice and hope you'll like it this time.

Thanksgiving!

Ushna, What @Holt said is the truth. Your essay might have valid points but the structure and lack of synchronization is what really made it to seem horrible. i believe that if you follow his guidelines, you will definitely come up with something better.

Please don't give up.

@Holt,

Thanks for the pointer.
I picked up one or two things from your writeup