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'I can achieve academic goals' - UW Madison Essay


danielcoley93 2 / 2  
Jan 25, 2012   #1
Prompt: The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

The sweat stings my eyes as it rolls down my forehead and into my eyes, and I can feel the burn in my chest and legs as I push up the hill. It's half a mile up and a half mile back down, and before I'm finished I'll have completed that circuit 9 times. Continuing is tough, but the sound of the other feet pounding the ground around me keeps me going until it is over. Once I stop my legs feel weak and I'm slightly lightheaded, but the sense of accomplishment that floods through me is worth it. It is a familiar feeling because this is more or less how all my mornings start in the summer. Although I had to wake up at 6:30 I love Cross Country and I wouldn't trade these morning for all the sleep in the world.

Cross Country was without a doubt my favorite part of high school. I loved the sense of camaraderie, and the challenge of a hard workout or a meet. I also feel like Cross Country helped shape me into the person I am today. It instilled in me an ability to make and achieve goals, and a capacity to persevere when things got tough. For instance, I wanted to be a varsity runner, and I wanted it bad. It was a lot of hard work, and at times it was painful but in the end I achieved my goal. It is because of that self-discipline and drive that I believe I would be a positive presence on your campus. The skills I learned from Cross Country are the same skills I can use in the classroom. I won't quit when the work is difficult, or when I'd rather be doing something else. I am the kind of student who can achieve academic goals and that is the kind of student who can enrich the University of Wisconsin campus.

I was hoping I could receive some advice and a general critique of my admission essay. Thanks!
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jan 25, 2012   #2
The sweat stings my eyes as it rolls down my forehead and into them , and I can feel the burn in my chest and legs as I push up the hill.

Once I stop, my legs feel weak and I'm slightly lightheaded, but the sense of accomplishment that floods through me is worth it.

It is a familiar feeling, because this is more or less how all my mornings start in the summer.

Although I had to wake up at 6:30, I love Cross Country and I wouldn't trade these mornings for all the sleep in the world.

I think this was an excellent topic to write about! Good luck with school!

:)
Brandon94 1 / 3  
Jan 25, 2012   #3
I loved it, the imagery at the beginning was great. The whole thing was short but right to the point, in my opinion.
Sarahrenee 1 / 2  
Jan 25, 2012   #4
very nice essay. I think you should change the part in the beggining, maybe dont say eyes twice.
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 25, 2012   #5
You're doing a good job of demonstrating conquer of an obstacle while keeping it brief!
Can you look at mine?
Thanks!


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