Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
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Dear Future Roommate,
Whoever you are, I hate you.
Actually, I don't. I just wanted to catch the admission officer's attention. And apparently it must have worked, because you are reading this, which means I must have gotten into Stanford. First, let me just assure you that I do not hate you. I'm a pretty nice guy. I'm actually really excited to meet you.
Anyways, now that I have your attention, I should probably tell you something. Since we will be spending a lot of time together, I figured I would tell you about some other people I spend a lot of time with. Yep, you guessed it, my family.
Let me tell you about my dad. My dad and I talk a lot. Not about cars though ï about happiness, philosophy, and government. Sometimes we agree, but a lot of times we don't. I don't think it matters if we disagree; perhaps it's better that way. If we both agree, nothing really changes. But if we disagree, then we are going somewhere! Whoever does a better job at arguing can convince the other to change his mind. But I'm not talking about yelling the loudest, oh no. I'm talking about logical arguments, free from fallacies. I love those kinds of arguments; they satisfy my curiosity.
You probably see where this is going. Now that I am moving, I need a new partner for my discussion duo ï I am asking you to fill the position and be open to discussions. No, not about how soccer is a better sport than football (although it is). About Libertarianism and spirituality. I hope you agree. Don't you have a curiosity?
I mean, you don't have to agree. I'll still be a good roommate either way (I certainly won't hate you). I'll just have to wander around aimlessly until I find someone to debate with.
I can only hope that our future together contains many debates, discussions, and perhaps even some Ultimate Frisbee!
Sincerely,
Your Super Awesome Roommate
your essay definitely catched the readers' attention, but I'm not sure if admission offocicers would like the fact that you specifically mentioned that you wanted THEIR attention. try to focous on telling about YOU rather than simply trying to gain their attention. Good luck!
I don't quite like the beginning... as aforementioned I don't think the adcom members would appreciate the blunt straight forward reference. Sorry, I find it a bit contrived.
I appreciate the colloquial language, however I think it's a bit too true to vernacular (ex. "I mean", you negate previously written statements, "Super Awesome Roommate" etc)
Basically, I want to know more about you!
P.S. I've read an eloquent and very similar essay to yours. I can't quite remember where it is, but watch out! it's eerily similar with fatherly discussions about philosophy and the need to fill that void, also with a distinct phrase such as "discussion duo" it's easy to remember the similarity despite the hundreds of essays i've read... just giving you a heads up! :)
loved your beginning dude! I'm a fan! The problem is, I don't know how the adcoms will react and sending an essay with this beginning might help, or it might not. It's really a dilemma and a matter of luck.
hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha that's so clever I really enjoyed the beginning. It's a huge risk, but seeing as you have about a 8% chance of getting into Standford anyway, I say go for it.
My only issue is toward the end...I think you should end the debate idea with one paragraph and don't spend the rest of the essay bringing it back up. Use the rest of the essay to tell even more about yourself, besides the fact that you'll be looking for a debate partner. Like what you do for fun with your friends, what kind of music you listen to, what your favorite genre is, where you would like to live most in the world. I dont know. something like that.
"Anyways , now that I have your attention, I should probably tell you something. Since we will be spending a lot of time together, I figured I would tell you about some other people I spend a lot of time with. Yep, you guessed it, my family."
Anyways is not a word.
Other than that, awesome response, though I do agree with some previous comments. I have read other Stanford supplements that sound relatively close to yours. The topic of wanted someone to expand your horizon with is great though!
I also agree that mentioning specifically that you are writing the essay to the admissions person and not actually to your roommate, might send the wrong message. I do like that you open with an attention grabber, just don't explain why you did. Or simply put "Just kidding, but I got your attention didn't I?
Hope that helped!
Your roommate won't being reading your essay even if you get in...
Personally, I didn't like the way you started this. It's has a very gimmicky feel to it, and not very creative. Especially because you clearly state why you said it. Act like the adcoms aren't going to be reading it.
I didn't like your tone near the end of the letter.
I hope you agree. Don't you have a curiosity? <- This kind of sounds menacing and slightly hostile... but that's just me.
I mean, you don't have to agree. I'll still be a good roommate either way (I certainly won't hate you). I'll just have to wander around aimlessly until I find someone to debate with. <- So you're pretty much saying that all you want to do is debate. And if your roommate doesn't want to debate, you'll just wander off? Does not give a very good impression.
Now, I understand you may like to debate, but that's the only thing you've talked about. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at the very end, you suddenly bring up Ultimate Frisbee.
Maybe you want to talk more about other little personal quirks. It's your chance to tell the adcoms more about yourself, and since it's meant to be for your roommate, think about everyday things you do (ex: what you like to do for fun/to relax)... like Ultimate Frisbee. That being said, you don't need to change the topic, just change the tone a bit to come across a little friendlier.
Also, you don't want to sound too formal, but you don't want to be too casual either. Using "Yep" may be overdoing it - it is still a college admissions essay, so keep that in mind.
Sorry that I was extremely harsh, but it's just what I noticed when I read this. If you get time, could you look at my essays as well? Good luck!
I'm sorry but I don't like the beginning either. Sure, a touch of humor might help but its kinda upfront humor, which people don't always like. Maybe your essay can be sort of like an interview to fill your dad's position as a 'duo', as you say.
Don't you have a curiosity?
Haven't you always wondered about the deep questions of life?
Can you check out mine?
Thank you guys SO MUCH for the feedback. I realize my extremely-low chances of getting into Stanford (being a slightly above average white guy), so I really have nothing to lose.
One quick note: I'm finding it very strange how somebody mentioned reading an essay very similar to mine that even mentioned a "discussion duo". Wtf?
Here is an updated version. Any comments I could get ASAP would be greatly appreciated (I will be submitting tomorrow). The end is especially rough.
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Dear Future Roommate,
My skin is green.
Just kidding, but I got your attention, didn't I? First off, let me assure you that I am not the Hulk (though sometimes I wish I were).
Now that I have your interest, I should probably tell you something. Since we will be spending a lot of time together, I figured I would tell you about some other people I spend a lot of time with: my family.
My dad and I talk a lot. Last week he came into my room to see if I was hungry, but our conversation did not revolve around potatoes or meatloaf. Just like countless times before, we discussed happiness, philosophy, and government. Sometimes we agree, but a lot of times we don't. I don't think it matters if we disagree; perhaps it's better that way. If we both agree, nothing really changes. But if we disagree, then we're going somewhere! Whoever does a better job at arguing can convince the other to change his mind. But I'm not talking about yelling the loudest. I'm talking about logical arguments, free from fallacies. You probably see where this is going. Now that I am moving, I need a new partner for my discussion duo - and am asking you to fill the position.
My mom is very protective. She still makes sure my hair is dry before I leave the house. At times it gets annoying, but I love her for it. I'm pretty sure I am prepared to live on my own, but maybe we could look out for each other just in case? An occasional "wait, don't you have a paper due tomorrow?" certainly wouldn't hurt.
My brother is seven, but our age difference doesn't stop us from having a lot of fun. I've taught him countless games - from soccer to chess. Perhaps I could teach you some stuff too.
I hope that our future together contains many debates, caring moments, and games of Ultimate Frisbee!
Sincerely,
Your Future Roommate
I think you should really utilize the essay space by talking about yourself instead
