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Admissions essay to UW on cultural insensitivity. Is currently 490 words and needs to be 300 or less



adil2000 2 / 5  
Feb 21, 2016   #1
Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

Cultural difference and insensitivity are topics that are constantly televised, but never truly affect one until he or she experiences them first-hand. Such was the case for me in the Starbucks breakfast line at the Junior State of America's Fall State Convention. Standing in line with me were a myriad of fellow drowsy students who also had stayed up the whole night and just needed some quick caffeine to get them going for another exciting day of debate. Two spots ahead of me in line was an African American hotel guest. He asked my friend, who was standing directly in front of me in line, why there were so many students at the Double Tree. My friend began to explain to him what the Junior State of America was, and how students debated a variety of topics and strived to engage in active political discussion. Then, the man asked "What debate are you guys going to next?" My friend replied by stating the topic as "Resolved, police department makeup be reflective of the communities they serve". This was, of course, a very controversial issue as this event took place during the aftermath of the Freddie Gray incident. The hotel guest voiced his opinion on the case to us, and explained why he believes the police department makeup should in fact be reflective of the communities they served. He went on to say that recruiting a police force that mimics a community's population could lead to a decline in the police shootings that have been plaguing our society.

What happened after that was quite unprecedented for both my friend and me. The barista came over and asked the man leave, citing that "he was disrupting the environment and scaring the students". The man protested this saying that he was simply "voicing his opinion and educating us on a topic". My friend and I both looked at each other and knew that this was not right. At that moment, I decided that I had to speak up. I told the barista, "No, its fine. Actually, he was teaching about the history of his people!" The barista had an interesting expression on her face, a mix of surprise and confusion. She then said "Okay, sorry for the mix-up", and returned to serving up coffees.

I hear about racial oppression everywhere, from Baltimore to Atlanta to Chicago, but I have never really felt its effects here on the west coast. Confronting this cultural insensitivity head-on helped me realize that everyone has to do their part, no matter where they live and no matter their race. The media seems to always spread the deleterious effects of racism, but never propagates a way for people to come together and fight it. I have learned that prejudice exists everywhere, and the only way to fight it is to come together and value everyone equally, regardless of factors such as race, religion, or gender.

justivy03 - / 2265  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
Hi Adil, after reading and understanding your essay, I must say, there is nothing wrong with you para phrasing the
title of the essay or the prompt, so long as you are able to follow through and address the prompt accordingly.

In this case, I believe you lack the understanding of the prompt.
What you have discussed in the essay is the difference in culture nut not yours.
The prompt would like to know your culture, what is the difference of this from the one
you are involve in right now and how do you deal with the cultural differences.

Moreover, the prompt is asking you of the lessons you learn in experiencing this difference in culture.
Say for instance, I was born in a very modern upbringing, however, my roots are Asian, at home, we practice
every single belief that an Asian family have and as soon as I step out of the house, I blend in with my American and European

friends, a totally different culture. During the process and spending more time with my friends than at home,
I learned that all of us is considered as one, that respect is a common language that we speak and we need in order
to keep a harmonious relationship.

There you have it Adil, I hope this helps!


Home / Undergraduate / Admissions essay to UW on cultural insensitivity. Is currently 490 words and needs to be 300 or less
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