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What would it be to your advantage to participate in Protrack program?



Tulaneboy 2 / 3  
Dec 6, 2009   #1
Florida institute of Technology essay.Word limit is around 250.Thanks in advance

I do remember how exciting I was when I saw "Do you intend to apply for Pro Track co-op program?" while filling out the online application. Before I knew about Pro Track co-op program, FIT was just a school I want to attend.

I have always considered receiving sufficient financial aid a barrier against my US education. In almost every university, grants are extremely limited, and scholarships are highly competitive for international students. Since also off-campus jobs are prohibited by the US government, I thought that my family would be in a huge trouble when I start my studies next year. However, the Pro track option has saved me from this dilemma of thoughts. With over 30,000 dollars I will earn during three co-op experiences, financing my education will no longer be an unsolvable problem.

Pro Track can also keep me occupied during holidays. Because of the high transportation costs, I have decided not to come back to my home country during summers. If accepted by FIT co-op program, I will be able to spend the summer months taking classes or working under a renowned employer.

I believe that the essence of engineering is fulfilling our society's needs. Although there will be projects and contests through out four years of undergraduate studies, they won't deal with the society's needs as much as the co-op experiences. Pro track will allow me to work for our society as well as to see people using what I have striven after. I will have to opportunity to become more than a student.

Now, FIT has become a school I want to attend, I should attend and, most importantly, I can afford to attend.

ruzhang143 3 / 8  
Dec 6, 2009   #2
Ok, well, first I don't really know the prompt. Is it "Why do you want to attend FIT?"

I think you shouldn't mention anything about the FA, because if you've applied for it then if you put it here it would be a waste of chance to show your other interest in this college.

Other than that, deep analyzation with the Pro track. Good work.
OP Tulaneboy 2 / 3  
Dec 7, 2009   #3
The prompt wants me to tell'em why I think participating Pro track will be an advantage.
I mentioned FA because it is true and co op will really help me pay for college.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 7, 2009   #4
That first paragraph needs to be developed! It used to be ust a school you wanted to attend, but what is different now? Tell the main idea in that first para, and then the res of the essay will explain it.

I have always considered The possibility that I will not receive sufficient financial aid is a serious, potential barrier against my US education.-----> This sentence should not be the first sentence of the paragraph. Instead, precede this with topic sentence that tells the reader, "Protrack can help to ensure that I have the financial support that I need..." or something like that. And then... The possibility that I will not receive sufficient financial aid is a serious, potential barrier against my US education.

State the main idea of the essay boldly in the intro and conclusion. Then, it will be strong! :-)

State the main idea of each para boldly in its topic sentence.


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