UC Application Essay: leadership + forming a black student union

Hey! I need to cut down a few words from this essay (7 to be exact) and I am hoping to clarify anything that doesn't make sense. Thanks for your help!

leadership essay

Prompt: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.

Panic set in as I stared at the empty zoom waiting room. What if no one showed up? Through weeks of work to create my school's first Black Student Union (BSU), I never considered what I would do if no one came. Then a notification appeared, followed by another. As my screen filled with the beautiful brown faces of my peers and teachers, I sighed a breath of relief.

I decided to start the BSU after I was tormented by a racist student in my grade. His words were so vile and demeaning that they would have been right at home in a Jim Crow Caricature of slaves. Yet I didn't allow them to make me bitter or insecure; instead, I developed a hunger to change the environment that hurt me. I spent countless hours forming a community where my black peers and teachers could finally feel safe. Emails. Mission Statements. Meetings. Conferences. All this while trying to balance a job, a rigorous course load, leading other clubs, and just being a normal teenager.

Then one of my classmates reached out with ideas for the Black Student Union and offered to co-lead the club with me. Immediately my mind shut it down. I thought that in order to be a good leader I needed to do everything alone. Then I took a moment to reflect and consider what was best for the BSU. I am so passionate about everything I love that I often get swept up in the moment. I was so eager to participate and share my ideas that I forgot to take a second to listen and reflect. I have since learned that the best leaders are not afraid to ask for help. As the co-president of the BSU, I have collaborated with my peers to develop a comprehensive Afro-Caribbean history curriculum that is being adopted by the humanities department. We have organized anti-racism programs for the 5th-12th grades and we are planning activities that can become traditions long after I have graduated. By incorporating my peer's opinions I gain a new perspective that allows me to understand each issue from a wider lens.

I would recommend you to be specific on what you have learned from the BSU by giving a successful example like having accomplished a mission by taking others advices or a good solution for conflicts that make you become a better leader in paragraph 3.

Being a co-leader is not the same as being a leader. As a co-leader, you shared responsibilities and decision making powers with someone else. You were not in total charge of the situation so your leadership skills were not fully displayed. When you have to consider the decisions of others, or you always have to come to a compromise to come to a decision with a co-leader, your abilities as a leader are limited. Was there any situation during this time when you were in full charge of a situation? A scenario wherein you were the only to take responsibility for the movements of the group?

Bear in mind the main purpose of this essay, to have you deliver a clear example of your leadership experience. This needs to show that you have made a positive impact in the situation by helping to solve a dispute. Contributing to group efforts over time, which is what you presented here, is acceptable but not notable. Your current essay doesn't really come across as memorable. You need to show a "take charge" personality as a leader and highlight how you lead. Not how you co-lead or forget to lead. Focus on the main aspect, highlighting a leadership skill. You can look up the various leadership traits online. Pick one to discuss based on your experience and ability to clearly explain it within the essay.