"Art is not a thing; it is a way." - Elbert Hubbard - FSU Admission Essay.

Prompt:
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

My Verison:

"Art is not a thing; it is a way." - Elbert Hubbard

I'm not an artist, at least not yet.

Art has always been a part of my life, however at first it was not a pleasing one. At the age of 4, I received the most expensive present from my parents - a piano. Though my piano teacher who would strike my little fingers with a steel spoon when she found mistakes scared me away from a pianist, music entered and soon spread all over my world.

Since then I began to own an exquisite collection of music. When still in primary years I'd found myself never able to part from beautiful melodies. This bound shapes me a fabulous singer, a pioneer music critic and a living iTunes in high school years. Post-rock, Indie, Brit-pop, Shoegaze, Electronic, Bossa Nova, Tango, Opera...my collection contains music of all genres and from all areas. I greatly enjoy the life expanding my land in musical world, sharing analyses and comments in magazines, recommending albums and singles to my friends.

But I'm aware of one fact that hinders me to be a true artist; that is, I never "create". I only sing but never write songs; I only lead a musical radio program but never lead a real band. It is so discouraging to face myself, fluent in appreciating beauty but unable to create. I used to consider I have no talents for an artist, a life where lies my true passion.

"You're wrong. You did create something beautiful. Doesn't this radio station significant?" a schoolmate working in the school broadcasting department once told me. With his words I had updated my views of art and artists.

Art is a reminder that you have a soul, that the world is beautiful. Through art I learn, explore, sense, experience and finally believe. It is more like a guiding light that helps you form who you are and find out who you want to be, rather than simply a statue or a CD. And artists have to understand beauty first then to create, for without a philosophy of beauty and life, one may never feel crummy to express. Therefore all my album reviews, my broadcasting playlists, my tears and laughter for those songs, are great training courses of identifying and understanding beauty from what we seem to see.

"Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in art." The story of me and art may never end, and I now learn pursuing art itself has beauty to appreciate even when I haven't had a distinguished portfolio. And I'm so young that I should not be afraid to try, to create. I believe in myself and follow my passion to be an artist, no matter what others judge me or expect me. Art is a way to live my life as mine.

I might not have been an artist yet, but I will be.

Good evening :)

First, a few mechanical suggestions. When writing formal academic pieces such as this, it is inappropriate to use contractions, so avoid them. Also, when using quotation marks, make sure your punctuation is always contained inside the marks. For instance, "create". should be "create." Also, your last sentence isn't grammatically correct. It should be "I might not be an artist yet, but I will be."

In regards to content, this is a great response to the prompt. The only thing that I would make sure to include is part of their question somewhere in the answer, preferably in the beginning, to ensure that it has a complete sentence to start it off. I would include the word "Artes" somewhere in the first few sentences to accomplish this.

Otherwise, a very finely crafted piece. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you very mush for being helpful.

I shall re-write it or just write a new one for I don't really feel satified with this version. But your suggestions have been really helpful. Thanks.

NEW VERSION:

"Art is not a thing; it is a way." - Elbert Hubbard.

When "Artes" can allude to the pursuit of art, I am astonished how art played an amazing role in shaping me who I really am today in my past 17 years. Through films, music and all forms of art I build connections between me and the world, the real and the illusory; I sense, explore, experience, learn and finally believe, that I have a soul, and the world is beautiful.

Art has incredibly become a helper in my academic life. When my countless photographs, album reviews and film analyses lay in front of me, I feel grateful indeed for my ardent pursuit of art bestows me the capacity to seize and to appreciate beauty, the ability to set up my own philosophy and, the most important, the firm belief that beauty is everywhere; it just waits there to be found. And all of these contribute a lot in solving hard problems of courses even like Math - yes, I do find beauty hiding in the so-called awful courses, and I cannot help delving into them. "You certainly have 'camera' eyes." My friends see what a living viewfinder I could be.

Not only my life has been lightened up by art, others also began to enjoy art within my effort to share my feelings and to arouse more to really look into a world beyond real lives. Many young people may also listen to music, watch movies or paint on textbooks, but they neither wish to taste more than what is "pop" nor have deeper thoughts on what they have experienced. Therefore I founded the radio station, the film club and the school magazine to establish platforms for my schoolmates to try and acquire more.

When I have been tracing beauty all my days, I sense my passion to create roots in my heart, and about to bloom. In this world where everyone is talking about money, I "sadly" have great grades which mean the best track for me would be a banker or any "money-making" job. But I rejected to pursue the happiness in others' eyes, and instead my choice is a filmmaker. All I want to be, is just a girl lighting up the skyline for people to see, the beauty and warmth ignited by me.

You may not see me here with hands that play better than Liszt or paint greater than Picasso, but I would like to call myself an artist as well, for "art is not a thing; it is a way." Seventeen years have passed, and I realize how precious gifts I have received from all the artistic experience - a pure heart which believes beauty and truth and never loses faith in life, an attitude that will guide me towards light all along. Whatever I will be in the future is always a mystery, but art never leaves, for I am wholeheartedly traveling everywhere, tracing beauty.

Gloria, what do you think of this new essay?

Anyone who has suggestios please feel free to write them down.

Good evening :)

I do like the rewrite; structurally it is just as good as the first piece, but your sentence flow is much more fluid, and I like the changed opening. Mechanically, make sure you are capitalizing only the first words of sentences and proper nouns only; thus "Math" shouldn't be capitalized but in "art is not a thing; it is a way" "art" should be.

In regards to content, I think this is a much more introspective piece than the other one. Your word choice is stronger, more honest, and it creates a more noble feel to the piece, along with much more confidence. Read the two pieces one after another, and I think you will see what I see; a writer that is growing, changing. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com