"Not artistic or creative" - Vires, Artes, Mores

Applying to FSU: Assignment:
Latin Words: " Vires, Artes, Mores" have been a guiding philosphy behind FSU. Describe how one or more of the values embodies in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Essay:
Vires, Artes, Mores. Life is a constant journey, a familiar cliché we hear regularly, but there is truth behind this corny and, sometimes, redundant saying. We are continuously seeking and realizing our strengths, our intellectual beauty, and we endlessly striving to strengthen our characters, customs and traditions. Strength, skill and customs are all reflected in my life in some way, whether in small ways or large ways. Artes is something I found within the walls of my school four years ago.

I've never been one to be considered artistic or creative. Crafts and arts are not my strong points and will never be skills that I will posse. My skill, although at times considered unconventional, is a talent that I discovered three years ago when I entered high school and found the Academy of Legal Studies. As a new student to the academy my classmates and I were all uneasy of our very first trial. If it wasn't for this first trial and the leap of faith I took in entering the academy, then I would have never realized the talent I posses. That day within the walls of our academy courtroom, within the precincts of that well I found my passion and my ability of public speaking. Now in my third year in the academy, I am pleased to say that I have strengthened, harvested and refined my talent but I still pleased to say that I have so much more to strengthen, so much more to harvest, and so much more to refine. I am grateful to the academy for giving me an environment where my talent can be used. I have spoken at numerous Barr Association meeting in our local city, I have spoken twice at the Board of Education meetings in our county, I have spoken at the Chamber of Commerce meetings, I have spoken at The Polk County Business Leaders Board and at Education Summits. Through all my experiences I have grown. The art of public speaking goes beyond the podium, it is an art which captivates and inspires leadership and motivation. For two year I was president of the Academy of Legal Studies and the Florida Law Honor Society. The skills we hold aren't just talents, they are seeds of learning. If we dig deep enough, we can learn so much more from our talents and our talents can help us discover who we strive to be as time passes on its endless reel.

Hey Alexis, I think there are a few mistakes which need serious reworking.
1) Frankly, I don't get to know you as a person. The admission office also looks for that. They do not want just a laundry list of your achievements but would like more of you.

2)


I WAS not were.
3)


We need to write more than speaking. See, I can understand that you want to say, what all you have done. But you need to personalize it more. Its not enough to just say this and also English is not good. I HAVE SPOKEN TO.... 4 TIMES you have mentioned same thing.

4)You need to illustrate the first sentence.
5) Your main idea, the public speaking doesn't come till more than half way.
Finally, I think if you could mention more about the experience and you.... any one place where you spoke which close to your heart and let the "writing" speak.

Hope this helps... :)

I like the first para, all except for this sentence:
Strength, skill and customs are all reflected in my life in some way, whether in small ways or large ways.
I like it, but it does not seem to belong! This para talks about "life is a journey," etc. and maybe that was what you needed to write to get yourself started, but now go back and write an intro that actually introduces the essay's theme. As of now, you only allude to the theme at the end of that para.

posse possess

Oh... SPEAKING! That is a good focus. So... rewrite that intro!! This is a good essay, but rewrite the intro, and consider doing some more discussion of the cause on behalf of which you might speak in the coming years.