"in the back of my head" - Why are you interested in The Ohio State University?

I'm not the best essay writer I must admit so don't afraid to be pretty blunt with your critiquing.

The Ohio State University, why wouldn't I want to go there? I haven't even been on my college visit to the Columbus campus yet and I'm already excited to think about the possibility of attending it in the fall of 2011. Every year, during their last performance, the kids in my symphonic band are announced in front of the office and our conductor says what college they plan on attending. Every year the kids that are attending "The Ohio State University" get the loudest and longest rounds of applause. Our school has so much respect for The Ohio State University that our director always makes there is extra emphasis on the 'The'. I want to go there because I've never heard anything negative from my fellow coworkers who return from there on their breaks. In fact, they can't wait to get back on the campus as soon as possible. I want to go there because when I am doing other visits to college something in the back of my head is telling me that no matter what this school has to offer, that OSU can do it just as well and most of the time even better. I want to find myself a part of the intense spirit that I can feel emanating from the campus. I can just hope that when it is my turn to get announced that my name gets followed by a proud, "... this fall he shall be attending The Ohio State University."

I would elaborate more specifically on why you want to go there. Most of your supporting details for your thesis have the same undertone of "why wouldn't I want to go there?" Your essay says that the reason you want to go there is that everyone else thinks it is a great place, so it must be. Schools are looking for specifics in this type of essay that show that you have done your research on their school, which shows you are very interested in them. What programs and opportunities do they offer that you want to take part in? Do they excel in your particular field of study?

I like your emphasis on "THE Ohio State University", but it becomes the central focus without back up. Just work on providing details that show you have done your research and don't make the primary reason you want to go there in your essay come through as "everyone else loves it", because you're not everyone else. Why will YOU love it?

Hope this doesn't come accross as too harsh, just trying to help :) I hope it does that for you.