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"The Balancing Act"



da_silent1 1 / 6  
Aug 21, 2010   #1
Okay this is my first time here so here is the prompt for the personal statement:
"Explain any personal experience, responsibilities and/or challenges that have impacted you or your academic achievements and/or your choice of career. Please be as detailed as possible"

Consider a room. Now in that room there is a queen-sized bed, desk and chair, TV, and the typical bookshelf. Posters, drawings, and the occasional certificate or two line up the walls. Everything in that room is pretty ordinary and typical. That is all except one forgotten detail: the hastily taped up sheets of paper.

Reeking with the sharp scent of Sharpie markers, the sheets of paper towering over me are crinkled like autumn leaves from being constantly written upon. Numbered columns filled with equations take up one of the sheets coming to a grand total of a hundred- eighty three equations to memorize in just three weeks. The remaining four sheets are filled with intricate equations. None of these would make the slightest sense except to an AP Physics student.

Pride and frustration rose to the surface of my chest as I looked at these sheets for the twentieth time that week. Pride because I had finally memorized the one hundred eighty- three equations written on the sheets. Pride because for the first time I finally saw AP Physics the way my teacher and other students saw it without feeling totally lost looking at these equations. Pride because I didn't give into the temptation of dropping that class. Frustration because doubts started creeping in: "Will I actually still remember all of these until next Monday?" "Could I have possibly copied an equation down wrong?" "What if I mixed up some of these diagrams with each other?" Frustration because my mind and body were exhausted from staying up late at night for days studying non-stop.

Exhaustion seemed to be both my mortal enemy and best- friend. Enemy because after a grueling track practice I would come home wanting to fall into a much deserved sleep. Enemy because I would always be battling it while studying during those long, tedious nights. Best- friend because this would be my motivation to finish my carefully planned studying every night, and fall into a restful sleep. Best- friend because with it only two things were set into my mind: leaving that exam room with no regrets, and finishing track season with new personal records.

Right now I'm staring at these sheets of paper. Pride swells up to my chest looking at these sheets of paper. Pride because every school year like the sheets of paper taped up I have always managed to fill my mind with lessons painstakingly learned. Pride because at times I may have been tempted to drop a class just like AP Physics, but I stuck through it. Pride because just like AP Physics I have always put not just my best foot forward, but jumped with both of my feet. Pride because at the end of every school year I never have any regrets about the decisions I made in regards to school. Pride because these are what define me not just as a student but my outlook at life, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Any suggestions for my ending simply because I don't like my how I ended mine?

kaylakay2012 1 / 3  
Aug 21, 2010   #2
I actually liked the way you ended it, but maybe you can say why pride has affected you in someway. Like... made you a stronger person or something of that nature. I feel you did a wonderful job on this paper though. The repetitive usage of words really brought out what you were trying to say. Maybe changing up a few words can help ease the flow of things. You used because a lot... which can take away from the other words like "pride" & "best friend"
OP da_silent1 1 / 6  
Aug 21, 2010   #3
Thanks for the comments :) truly appreciate it and yes I see what you mean about certain words changing the flow of the paper.
greengrl247 1 / 11  
Aug 22, 2010   #4
I would have to agree in the sense that I like the ending as it is. I also like how you used dialog for your thought processes because it makes it more interesting. The only thing is that in the 2nd paragraph I would not use pride so much because you emphasize the word "pride" in the last paragraph. So by limiting the usage of pride in the 2nd paragraph your final paragraph will be much more powerful


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