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Bates supplement - responsible stewardship of the wider world



savusavu 3 / 8  
Dec 30, 2013   #1
Prompt: In addition to the Common Application essay, please select one phrase from the Bates mission statement below and comment on how it inspires you and draws you to Bates. Please upload your 1-2 paragraph response below.

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

My six years in Fiji, a so-called developing country, enriched me with an experience that I know I will never forget. Seeing how the culturally different people work in contrast to those in Germany, made me aware of the similarities of people themselves. Even though they eat, talk and resolve conflicts differently in Fiji, I realized that we all share our common human needs and wants, like affection, a better life, acceptance and knowledge. Seeing that and how we pursue these in different ways instilled a responsibility and awareness in me for the wider world.

Thus, the phrase "commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world" from the mission statement inspires me as it is exactly what I try to express in my daily life. Not only do I now have my German values but also the Fijian ones and lessons I learned from my life there, always in the back of my head. I also chose to study in the United States not only because of Bates College's outstanding academic programs but also because I believe that spending four years in another part of the world would open my mind further and strengthen the global approach with which I try to live my life. The remarkable Off-Campus Study Programs offered at Bates College only further underlines the mission statement's phrase and shows that Bates College tries to put as much world in its students. I believe, with the education from Bates College I could make a greater impact on the world as I plan to improve the medical system in Fiji as well as create more environmental awareness in Germany. An education as advanced as the one I would receive from Bates College is my missing puzzle piece.

OMGreeny 3 / 8  
Dec 31, 2013   #2
I apply for Bates myself, and I like how you answered Bates' statement.

I believe, with the education from Bates College I could make a greater impact on the world as I plan to improve the medical system in Fiji as well as create more environmental awareness in Germany.

I am not sure how to solve this best, but I would recommend to change the comma usage of the previous sentence. It is not usual for a comma to separate two complete sentences.

Seeing how the culturally different people work in contrast to those in Germany, made me aware of the similarities of people themselves.This comma needs to be dropped. It separates the preceding part, a so-called compound subject from its verb and object.

The concept is great just keep working on it a little bit to straighten out the little issues.

Cheers!

Maybe have a look at my essay as well. :)
/undergraduate-essays-2/bates-college-supplementary-essay-stateme nt-inspires-54786/


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