'Bilingual, Brazil, United States' -What community do I belong to?

Hey everyone,

Here's my essay for the University of Michigan supplement. Any constructive criticism is appreciated!

The prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

My very first word was bilingual. The word was either "mais," meaning more in Portuguese, or "mice"-both are pronounced the same way. Since I was born, I have belonged not only to the culture of the United States, but also to the culture of Brazil. My father always speaks to me in Portuguese and my mother always speaks to me in English; as a result, I am fluent in both. I have been to Brazil twice, and both times I absolutely adored being there. We do not have family close to home, and being in Brazil around the large extended family makes me wish that I could have gone to Brazil more times. However, I would not change anything about my upbringing. I believe that the cultural mix in which I was brought up provided for me a completely unique worldview that has led to my extremely varied interests-one day I will be listening to Brazilian music or watching the soccer club Flamengo and the next day I will be talking about politics in the United States or about America's greatest contribution to music: jazz. Each culture gave me something. My place in this mixed cultural community is to provide the "bridge" between them. My parents each identify with their own culture, and as I am an only child I am the one person in the family who identifies with both, I feel that I have a very special role in our community as a "connector" of cultures.

Your essay is decent and well written. However you could try and make it more real...for instance brazilian culture is way richer than u have given it credit for...try and mention the city parades maybe??

P.S.---i would much rather watch Santos play...

I think this is a well-written essay; if there is one critique I think you could give it a little more "zing". What is special about Brazil to you? Do you have celebrate any Brazilian traditions? Just maybe add some more personal specifics like that to make it stand out. :)

I love the intro sentence! It works extremely well with the rest of the essay.
And while I agree with the rest of the commenters that you could add more about the culture of Brazil, be careful to make sure your essay does not become an essay on Brazil. As it is now, I like how you relate your heritage to you and how it has influenced you as a person. Too many essays I see just become a lesson on their essay or culture!