I really need the help so tear this to shreads.
Prompt: What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.
Two years ago my uncle graduated from Yale University and after my parents incessant shrieks as he walked the podium to get his diploma the commencement speaker spoke words that stood out to me even when buried beneath a plethora of verbosity and evocative diction. She said "Yale University is an institution that prides itself not just on selecting the best but making them great". This meant a lot to me and ever since I have dreamt and hoped that the books in Linsly-Chittenden hall and the walls of Paul-Rudolf hall will someday challenge me and out of triumph I will also stand on that podium proud as a Yale alum
not sure about the SAT words but great essay , i find no problems.
Your Grammar is alright and you answer is specific.
All the best
Thanks what do you think i should change the SAT words to because i don't want to come off as needlessly verbose
If you still want suggestions: maybe you could say "buried beneath a wealth of verbosity." - it just sounds less SAT. but as I said earlier I'm not sure you need to change them at all.
Overall, I think your essay is 99.9%.
no, forget the whole verbosity point. it adds nothing to your point. why does mentioning that relate to why you want to go to yale? it doesn't, so forget about it.
The first and last sentences are a little long. I would either shorten them or make each into two separate sentences. As is, I found it a little rough in terms of flow, particularly the first sentence.
As far as subject i'm not sure. Personally, I think this is meant as less of an essay and more of an "actually tell us what you want to do here". As such I feel you ought to try and pick something specific about the university that you like, rather than making too general of statements. Yours is pretty exclusive to you, but not Yale. You run a risk with the anecdote approach but at least its personal.
Not sure that made any sense to you, but I hope it helps.
thanks about the verbosity thing but should i keep the shriecking parents to use the embarrassment to hint at my personality
