These positive affects can be spread through my peers because my laugh is infectious. A chain reaction will start from one person who can give off a hearty laugh.
great, but you already talked about that in
A noticeable characteristic of mine is one of contagiousness from my laughter.
My body is always thirsty for subtraction soup. The more I consume, the hunger for knowledge is never ceased.
colon maybe? and sorry, i really didn't get the subtraction soup reference.
and should be : the more I consume, the hungrier I become for knowledge.
in movies, and even in novels -> in movies and novels
Underneath the surface is much more than what appears to be submissiveness, but it is deep dedication and trustworthiness that remains stable in a loyal friend.
why not make this entire thing about you? you could say: but I think that bla bla, and I am dedicated and bla bla. avoid universal truth. talk about YOU
You are a big wordier you need to be on that one, and try incorporate more personal thoughts/examples.
The school colors, scarlet and white, reminded me of an association with blood and peace. Scarlet is earned through hard work and dedication.
couldn't you make this in 1 sentence?
the school colors, white and scarlet which symbolizes blabla, reminded me of...
peace and blood, you sure that's the kinda balance you want to make? I don't think boston wanted their scarlet or crimson or red color to be for war or sin. btw, try not using scarlet, it reminds me of scarlet letter in which is has a VERY NEGATIVE connotation
dedication. Within the bustling
Within the bustling city of Boston there are many experiences that can be carried out as a college student. The Charles River campus, large diverse student body, distinctive seasonal weather and historical background of America that originates there, are all attractive characteristics of B.U.
so what are the experiences? the second sentence in no way links to the first one. (yes, i get that you talk about the city in second sentence, but apart from that, they don't link)
These aspects bring peace to my mind and soul- I can picture myself clearly in this university.
and btw, i can picture myself clearly in this university also. it tells 0 about you
tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.
so the only part that actually answers the question is when you said: when I visited Boston two summers ago.
true, the question implies that you have to talk about why you like the college, but MUST overshadows implies and YOU NEED TO ANSWER THE QUESTION FIRST.
talk about your visit (in which you can incorporate all the stuff), and talk about what steps you have taken to learn more about us
lol this sounds just like the prompt! absolutely no pun intended :D