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'My brother breathes life into our home' - UMBC ESSAY



morecelery 4 / 20  
Dec 10, 2011   #1
I wrote this very quickly and I feel alright about it, but I feel like it might be confusing? I mostly need help touching up and making it flow well. Thankyou!!

PROMPT: Many of the problems of the 21st century will require interdisciplinary solutions. That is, to solve these problems it will be necessary to integrate knowledge and ways of thinking from different fields, such as from biology and public policy, or automotive engineering and ergonomics, literature and neuroscience. The Honors College tries to foster such interdisciplinary thinking. Discuss a problem you have studied or know about that needs an interdisciplinary solution.

My brother is mostly a happy guy. He breathes life into our home, revives the family during the strain of the week and the stressful 'catching-ups' during the weekends. He'll spontaneously walk the dog several times a day, and he never forgets to hug and laugh with the family every so often. We both share a bright bedroom glowing with portraits and albums of his candid and refreshing smiles. Paul is mostly happy, but there's a mysterious, inaccessible part of him that can never shine, and that I never get to see. My brother is severely autistic, and struggles every day to express himself.

It is a problem our family had known since he was about four-almost 15 years ago. The doctor said he would remain a mute for the rest of his life. He was wrong, though, because a year later Paul learned yes and no, the two priceless tools he possessed to express his desires. As he and his vocabulary grew, another accessory of the autism package came to light. Paul started to have seizures when he was 12, and has, since then, become blue, agonized, and frail once every two weeks. We saw these two drawbacks, but could not understand his inner thoughts and feelings because he was limited with his disorder.

In January 2010, a speech-language pathologist from New York worked with him using her facilitated communication method that let him pour out sentences onto a keyboard. Unexpectedly, Paul not only wrote several dozen lengthy sentences, but used complex vocabulary far more advanced than that of the 2nd grade level-his current 'reading level.' The psychologist explained that Paul's thoughts are not connected to his speech, and therefore his internal feelings could not reach the outside for his entire life. However, if focused, his thoughts can be very well connected to his motor functions, such as typing. During one of these sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it."

Since then, my eldest sister had pursued a psychological career, and currently works as Paul's personal therapist. Our younger sister wants to someday become a doctor and discover the magical remedy to autism. As for me, I am inspired to become an engineer, to study the physics behind the brain, and create the ideal object that can access those parts which are hidden behind the walls of autism in people like my brother.

Paul is my dog's friend, my mother's happy helper, my father's pride, my sisters' inspiration, and my reason to pursue a fulfilling engineering career.

OP morecelery 4 / 20  
Dec 11, 2011   #2
Can someone help? I am hoping to get a bit of input before I send this tonight. please and thankss!!!
OP morecelery 4 / 20  
Dec 12, 2011   #3
Anyone want to help critique this essay?
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Dec 12, 2011   #4
It is a problem our family has known of since he was about four-almost 15 years ago.

As he and his vocabulary grew, another aspect of the autism package came to light.

During one of these sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it."---This is amazing!

Since then, my eldest sister has pursued a career in psychology , and currently works as Paul's personal therapist.

Paul is my dog's friend, my mother's happy helper, my father's pride, my sisters' inspiration, and my reason to pursue a fulfilling engineering career.

This is great, but you should really elaborate a little on how an engineering degree would help people with autism, as it's a little unclear. Good luck in all you do! One of my favorite people is autistic, and if I were to ever be stranded on a deserted island with just one companion, it would be him, as he knows everything!

:)
OP morecelery 4 / 20  
Dec 12, 2011   #5
Thank you so much!!! This was very helpful! Yeah I feel the same about him haha he's a great brother. :]
agronr 3 / 12  
Dec 26, 2011   #6
Wow this is great. i dont know about the grammar but it flows very well . great job :)


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