'brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon' - STANFORD SUPPLEMENT

Prompt: What matters to you and why?

I was brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon, a city rich in beauty and magnificence, but unfortunately for many of its residents it is also a land where poverty is a way of life. I am one of the lucky few that have never had to suffer the pains of an empty stomach, the hardships of a low income or the agonies of having to survive in terrible living conditions. However, in my opinion, one of the causes for this state of decline our communities live in is that we spend our time lingering in the past.

To quote Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "Love In The Time Of Cholera", "That is how they were: they spent their lives proclaiming their proud origins, the historic merits of the city, the value of its relics, its heroism, its beauty, but they were blind to the decay of the years". In many aspects, Marquez's Colombia is very much similar to my Beirut. Like the Colombians in Marquez's novel, the people of my country live in the past to avoid present discomfort and to evade its political and social problems. Rather than living in the past, it is essential that the people of Lebanon focus their efforts on modifying the future, for it is a realm filled with hope, promise and potential for glorious days that lie ahead.

There are many challenges facing my country today: We are constantly bickering over age-old problems, the nation is at constant war, numerous people do not have an education to back up their choices and the thousands that go to bed every night with an empty stomach are ignored. Since my future is intermingled with that of my country's, then the only way for us to prosper is if the privileged sacrifice what they have to help the deprived succeed in overcoming the difficulties of life. The real challenge we face today, is that we must realize, as a nation and as individuals capable of serving the community, that there can only be so much to go around, and that the key to thrive is our will to relieve ourselves from the ceaseless fighting in hopes of recovering from the ashes of conflict to make sure that no one, nowhere, and at no time should go hungry.

PS: Please someone offer help with the title!

I was brought up and raised primarily in Beirut, Lebanon, a city rich in beauty and magnificence, but unfortunately for many of its residents, it is also a land where poverty is a way of life.

In many aspects, Marquez's Colombia is very much similar to my Beirut.

...ourselves from the ceaseless fighting in hopes of recovering from the ashes of conflict, to make sure that no one, anywhere, and at no time should go hungry.

Kahlil Gibran's book The Prophet is my all time favorite book.

:)

Thanks for the editing, but do you have any comments as to whether or not it's a good essay...? And what do you thing would be a suitable title?

Haven't read "The Prophet", but it's definitely on my to-read list. I strongly recommend that you read some of Amin Maalouf's books though, he's great Lebanese author.

I think your essay is great, as you certainly answered the prompt of 'what matters to you and why'. You had a great beginning and ending, you didn't waste words and it was interesting all the way through. I will look up that author today, and you will surely love the Prophet. I particularly love the part right after 'Speak to us of children...'

It's a good sentiment and an overall good essay. You can obviously write very well. But I actually disagree with EF_Susan--I don't think your essay answers "what matters to YOU." You answered what is important for your country, for the people around you. I didn't get enough of the sense that the future of Lebanon is what matters to you.

I'm just trying to help you take this to a higher level. This essay is very good, and it wouldn't be bad if you turned it in as written right now.

Hello Jawad


brought up and raised are basically saying the same thing, so either will do.



Suggestion



Suggestion: Today, my country faces many challenges.


Overuse/redundancy of constant.


I don't think that you should say the 'only way'. Keep in mind that not everyone is of that opinion so you might not want to phrase it like that.


Sounds rather incorrect to me, not sure if that is a double negative, so you might want to rephrase this.

Overall I can feel the genuineness of your argument. I rather liked your essay and I thought it was written well overall. I am not really good proposing titles but these just popped into my mind.

"A Time for Change", ahh I had another better idea but it disappeared.

Hope this helps! And if you wouldn't mind reading mine. Good day.

I'm having a hard time coming up with a title too. I'm pretty sure others will help out here...anyone?

It would be really helpful if someone could check out my roommate essay, too. Thanks.

Thanks for the advice everyone.
I just need help with a few more things:
-I feel that the transition to the last sentence of my introduction isn't smooth. Any ideas?
-As Zhoe K pointed out, I might want to rephrase the sentence "Since my future is intermingled with that of my country's, then the only way for us to prosper is if the privileged sacrifice what they have to help the deprived succeed in overcoming the difficulties of life". I see two problems with it: First, it's not the only way for my country to prosper, and second, the privileged shouldn't sacrifice everything they have... Any help with rephrasing?

Thanks

Anyone, please help, I have to submit these essays in two days!!

The essay is 2100 characters and it's supposed to be 200 characters. Any help with removing extra parts?

Interesting, answers the question!

Anyone suggest a title? ideas on the essay?

Great essay, but I would suggest relating it more to yourself as an individual and not so much the country. Make the country you... if that makes sense

Check out my stanford roommate essay too!

Jawad

I think you should make it more personal, about YOU instead of solely/majority about the club. Why did create the club? Why does it matter to you? Why do you think its important to help your country? That might take away the generic sound of the essay. Generally nothing you've mentioned is answering the prompt of what matters to you so you definitely should work on that.

Hope this helps!

oh Im sorry the prompt of this essay is: elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities. My bad i thought you meant the prompt of the first essay in this thread.

Jawad

No worries. It is not bad, however you could probably still add more of you and your feelings about the club and what it does. Maybe you could focus on ONE particular project that the club carried out and elaborate further than mentioning so many helter-skelter-ly. The concept isn't bad you just need to spruce it up and it'll be ready to go.

Hope this helps.