Hey everybody! Looking for some response and critique on this essay (preferably in the next 24 hours). This is going on my common app as my transfer essay. I'm supposed to give reasoning for why I wish to transfer and also state what objectives I would like to achieve. Any response would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :)
Creating Clear Objectives (NOTE: working title, suggestions welcome)
When it came time to graduate from high school, I had decided that attending community college was the best option for me. I was not quite sure what I planned to study at that point in time and I also knew that I needed to be able to work as many hours per week as possible to save up for my college education. These were not my only reasons, however. I also wanted to get to know myself as an employee; I strove to find out what environments I worked well in, what tasks I enjoyed performing on a daily basis, and what innate abilities and skills I possessed.
Two years later, I have come to find out a lot about myself. I have come to find out that I'm often one of the most motivated people in the room and that this affects each individual I work with in a positive manner. I have also learned that there isn't an environment that I work poorly in, though I tend to shine bright in moments with high demands. Most importantly, I now know that I am a natural born leader who others respect and that this is highly desirable in the field of business management.
Business was always my father's knack, or so I thought until I took it upon myself to explore different types of businesses. I have gone to networking events through Lakes Region Chamber of Commerce and have assisted my boss, a small business owner, in her tasks. I have also gotten involved with a local non-profit organization, The Winnipesaukee Playhouse, and have learned the ins-and-outs of fundraising, grant writing, and arts management.
All of these opportunities have driven me to apply for a four year institution which I believe has Business Management/Administration program I am looking for. My goal is to attend a university with a strong business school and distinguished faculty. In addition, I am searching for a school which has a strong professional development program. Lastly, I am seeking to attend an institution with excellent extracurricular programs and opportunities, including an exceptional study abroad program.
I plan to take advantage of each opportunity that comes my way. I plan to study abroad with a particular emphasis/interest in global marketing and internal business relations. This, along with potential internships and the prestigious education I will receive, will provide me with the hands-on experience that employers are seeking.
After graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Management/Administration, I would like to work as an executive director for a non-profit organization, particularly in realm of performing and media arts. I plan to offer many community outreach programs and would like to give children of all ages and income levels the opportunity to learn about performing and media arts.
Creating Clear Objectives (NOTE: working title, suggestions welcome)
When it came time to graduate from high school, I had decided that attending community college was the best option for me. I was not quite sure what I planned to study at that point in time and I also knew that I needed to be able to work as many hours per week as possible to save up for my college education. These were not my only reasons, however. I also wanted to get to know myself as an employee; I strove to find out what environments I worked well in, what tasks I enjoyed performing on a daily basis, and what innate abilities and skills I possessed.
Two years later, I have come to find out a lot about myself. I have come to find out that I'm often one of the most motivated people in the room and that this affects each individual I work with in a positive manner. I have also learned that there isn't an environment that I work poorly in, though I tend to shine bright in moments with high demands. Most importantly, I now know that I am a natural born leader who others respect and that this is highly desirable in the field of business management.
Business was always my father's knack, or so I thought until I took it upon myself to explore different types of businesses. I have gone to networking events through Lakes Region Chamber of Commerce and have assisted my boss, a small business owner, in her tasks. I have also gotten involved with a local non-profit organization, The Winnipesaukee Playhouse, and have learned the ins-and-outs of fundraising, grant writing, and arts management.
All of these opportunities have driven me to apply for a four year institution which I believe has Business Management/Administration program I am looking for. My goal is to attend a university with a strong business school and distinguished faculty. In addition, I am searching for a school which has a strong professional development program. Lastly, I am seeking to attend an institution with excellent extracurricular programs and opportunities, including an exceptional study abroad program.
I plan to take advantage of each opportunity that comes my way. I plan to study abroad with a particular emphasis/interest in global marketing and internal business relations. This, along with potential internships and the prestigious education I will receive, will provide me with the hands-on experience that employers are seeking.
After graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Management/Administration, I would like to work as an executive director for a non-profit organization, particularly in realm of performing and media arts. I plan to offer many community outreach programs and would like to give children of all ages and income levels the opportunity to learn about performing and media arts.