Ok well, uc requires 2 essays with a combined word limit of 1000 words. I just finished the rough draft of the first essay and its a 1000 words alone. Leaving alone the word limit, I have some other serious doubts about my essay; I don't know whether the ideas transition properly, whether the essay truly answers the prompt, whether the language is inappropriate in context, etc. Specifically I'd like feedback about which parts grasp your attention, and which parts are boring (So i can cut them out). Thanks in advance.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I still remember straining to listen to my parents' hushed voices; possibly overhear what it was they weren't willing to share with me. I could have never imagined the events that were soon to follow. Life until sixth grade had been, admittedly, rather uneventful and quite routine. Towards the end of sixth grade however, I reluctantly became quite aware that something different was about to happen. My parents were making longer, more frequent calls to relatives in India. The web history on the home computer began displaying results like "Best Schools in India?" and "Indian Real Estate prices". Despite these clues I could scarcely believe that it was even possible we'd move out of the house, let alone the country. It was only when I actually overheard my parents talk about moving to India that I began to realize what I had feared. At the age of 12, I was unable to fathom the meaning of an event of this magnitude; I could hardly imagine giving up almost everything and everyone I knew and moving to a strange land. While I always knew that my parents regarded India as "the motherland", to me India had always been a bit of an exotic place; relegated to the back of my mind as a tropical vacation spot rather than a place where I could actually reside. But in early January 2006 came the official announcement; the possibility that I had denied and dreaded had become a reality.
Nearly six years later, reminiscing about my childhood, I can't imagine what my life would have been like had I never moved. There's quite a stark contrast between life in the Bay area and life in [Indian City]. The weather, the people, the education, the infrastructure, the culture, the language; it's all different. In the initial few months after moving to India, I felt as though my whole life had been turned upside down. There seemed to be a large gaping void between everything I did and everything that I was expected to do. Whatever had once been a menial task in my previous life was now somewhat of a challenge. Rather than sitting leisurely in a car, being driven to school, I now had to engage the notoriously belligerent auto rickshaw drivers, often bargaining with them through rusty Tamil and frantic hand signals in order to get to school without being tardy. Going to a new school with a completely different curriculum and approach to education was also quite a challenge. And so as a result of my initial attitude, I often found myself frustrated at the lack of control I had over my life. It soon became evident that the only way to make the best of the situation would be to accept and adapt to it. This simple insight turned out to be a profound realization.
The ability to adapt to change, as simple as it sounds, is one of the most useful characteristics around. I embraced this incipient idea and soon enough, this trait was embedded into me. The ability to take a step back and react appropriately in an unfavorable scenario, on multiple occasions, has provided a considerable vantage. In time tasks that were minor challenges once again became menial tasks. I was able to form amicable relationships with the rickshaw drivers and pick up enough of the local language to ease all my transportation troubles. Rather than succumb to the rote learning nature of the new syllabus, I put in that extra hour each day and changed my study habits till I had adapted to the new curriculum. Had I never moved to India, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to identify what I believe to be my defining characteristics; resilience and adaptability. These traits influence the way I think and the things I do; whether it's tackling a difficult differential equation or leading a group of unmotivated students to clean up a park. These traits have also played a role in determining the academic discipline I've decided to pursue. I've always had a passion for science, particularly math, and though I've often found the idea of studying pure science appealing, it is engineering that tickles my brain. The very backbone of engineering is adaptability; an engineer must be able to tackle the myriad problems sure to come his way. I believe this is especially true in the field of bioengineering, especially biomechanics and tissue engineering. For example, in order to create a successful prosthetic limb, an engineer's designs must be innovative and renitent, able to adapt to the constant minute changes that occur in the human body without compromising the functionality of the machine. Each tissue, organ and muscle in the human body is itself a complex part of an even more complex and intricate system. Every part of the body performs an exact function which is subtly coordinated with those of several other body parts .The possibility that technology can come close to actually replicating these body parts and their minute details and functions is both a fascinating and useful prospect. The development and application of this technology requires a great deal of resilience and creativity. I want to study and research the field of bioengineering, especially biomechanics and neuroprosthetics, as I believe it will provide an unparalleled platform for me employ and expand the passion and traits that I've acquired.
Directly and indirectly, I've been able to benefit immensely in both mental and personal growth through the experiences I've had while living in two largely incongruent societies. The lessons I've learned and the paths I've taken make up a large part of who I am and what I want to do. I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I'm capable not only of surviving in any environment, but also thriving in any environment.
Hi Naren,
It's really long. I think you can keep the last two paragraphs as they tell the reader more about you. But try to clear up how resilience helps the science in achieving its goals.
And lastly, truncate parts of your Indian details. BTW the first paragraph is not organized.
REMEMBER: We are the writers of our own biographies. And thus we ourselves are the editor-in-chief and knows which part can be cut or not as we know the significant role played by that part in our biographies.
Good Luck!! :)
I think that this is a good essay topic, but it feels abrupt. maybe you should talk about your experiences a bit more. Put in an anecdote about a talk you had with a rickshaw driver or something.
also, you've said you've been able to benefit from it, but mention how you have benefited.
