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Carleton College Short Answer -favorite subject, career, interest, book, teacher


twizzlestraw 12 / 95  
Jan 7, 2010   #1
There's a character limit for each, and I am right at the limit for each response. Any comments would be great! Thank youuu!

What is a subject that particularly interests you? why?
"Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva."
The first time I heard a doctor on Discovery Health Channel say this term, I spent the next five minutes committing it to memory. I love medicine. From enlisting in higher level science courses to reading medical encyclopedias for fun, I find myself captivated with the subject, specifically, its incessant advancement. I hope to one day be a part of that.

Do you have a specific career goal or dream? Please Describe
I decided what I wanted to do in life at the age of seven. After countless hospital visits, seeing my aunt weak and suffering, it was clear to me what I had to do: discover a cure for lupus when I grew up. Although my aunt passed away years ago, my dream has not. I have resolved to do whatever it takes to help another victim of this devastating disease, and perhaps another child's Aunt Barbara.

Why are you interested in Carleton College and how did this interest develop?
Two years ago I attended the Carleton Liberal Arts Experience. CLAE's commitment to not merely educate me, but provide what was a life changing experience is the factor I prize most about Carleton. Thus, I look forward to the smell of "cookie dough" as I walk across the campus of my dream school.

From your reading, whether children's books or classics, what books or authors have particularly impressed you and why?
When I was a kid my mom would read me Bible stories. Every night I eagerly anticipated delving into a faraway land with each majestic story. However, one stood out amongst the rest and warranted my repeated request: the story of Joseph. As a child I felt his story was the most inspiring. Not simply because he overcame extreme hardships and eventually rose to prominence, but because he wholeheartedly forgave the ones that incited his adversity.

What secondary school teacher has had a particular influence on you? why?
Mrs. XXX was the first teacher who truly believed in me in and outside of the classroom. She nominated me for the honorary student in English and encouraged me to apply for The Cambridge Tradition.
badromance 1 / 18  
Jan 7, 2010   #2
I don't see any flaws.

Except, I would probably correct:

She nominated me as honorary student in English in the last question
agon123 1 / 3  
Jan 7, 2010   #3
I may suggest that instead of specifying a specific disease you plan on curing, maybe you should be a little more broad. Possibly something along the lines of after having the experience with your aunt, you dream of finding a cure to any devastating disease as long as you can save countless lives. That's just my two cents.
OP twizzlestraw 12 / 95  
Jan 10, 2010   #4
Thanks!
Is there anything else?
NT159 3 / 8  
Jan 10, 2010   #5
You could shorten this:
"The first time I heard a doctor on Discovery Health Channel say this term, I spent the next five minutes committing it to memory. I love medicine." I memorized this term from the moment I heard it used on the Discovery Health Channel, because medicine is my passion.

"Although my aunt passed away years ago, my dream has notcould try: "lives on"? ."

"but to provide what was a life changing experience is the factor I prize most about Carleton."

These are the only suggestions I have, the rest is really nice and solid!! Good Luck!!
OP twizzlestraw 12 / 95  
Jan 10, 2010   #6
Thank you!
Those were great suggestions!
sakeloga 3 / 16  
Jan 11, 2010   #7
Hey thank you for checking my essay out!

When I was a kid my mom would read me Bible stories. Every night I eagerly anticipated delving into a faraway land with each majestic story. However, one stood out amongst the restThere's one I like the most that warranted my repeated request: the story of Joseph. As a child (Is this phrase necessary?) I felt his story was the most inspiring. Not simply because he overcame extreme hardships and eventually rose to prominence, but because he wholeheartedly forgave the ones that incited his adversity.

Add a final short sentence/phrase that ties back to you. E.g. ...forgave the ones that incited his adversity; these are the qualities I respect the most.

The others are good. You are ready to submit these short answers in.
leekyle123 1 / 3  
Jan 11, 2010   #8
Hey! Thanks for your input on my essay! Here's what I have to suggest:

Mrs. XXX was the first teacher who truly believed in my potentialinside and outside of the classroom. She nominated me for the honorary student in English and encouraged me to apply for The Cambridge Tradition.

Other than that, I really don't see any corrections. Good Job!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 17, 2010   #9
Hi Twizzlestraw, I just found this thread by following a link you left in the thread of someone you helped. Thanks for being such a great participant here at EF!!

...what I had to do: discover a cure for lupus when I grew up . 000 I think this is more powerful without those words.

also:
However, one stood out amongst the rest and warranted my repeated request: the story of Joseph.

Unnecessary words are like weeds that deprive the essay of nutrients! :-)


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