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Carleton college short answer: teacher who most influenced you.


linhexi 9 / 28  
Oct 18, 2009   #1
Is this OK? Thank you for any ideas!

Miss. Chen was my 9th grade's Chinese teacher. She just graduated from college when me met, yet her working late at her office till 10:00 p.m., keeping four hours' sleep everyday preparing classes soon brought up our Chinese tests score to the highest. She proved herself when no one paid much emphasis on a new coming teacher, as well as enlightened me to hold such brave attitude and persistence facing any challenges as the way she did.

Somehow she noticed my diffidence, started with words like "Why not believing yourself" she dragged out that shy, timid girl out of my mind. We communicated through my essays every week, talked about certain author's life, classic Chinese even phenomena in society, from which emerged my interests in writing and reading. Her words incented me to build my solid inner faith, so as her determination taught me to concentrate in real practice and arrange my available time regularly. Her character had long been shaped in my mind as model, and for so long had supported me to beat up harsh challenges and strive for things I value.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 19, 2009   #2
Before getting into the grammar, which needs a lot of work, let's look at the content. Tou speak about your teacher very vaguely. You should use specific examples and narrative anecdotes so that we can see how important this teacher really was to you. For instance:

talked about certain author's life,

What author? What did you say about him/her?

classic Chinese even phenomena in society

Such as?

her determination taught me to concentrate in real practice and arrange my available time regularly.

As shown by?


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