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Why Carnegie (economics essay)



Veggy 6 / 16  
Dec 28, 2008   #1
can someone please read over my essay?

I still remember newspaper headlines such as "Devastating Great Depression of the Century" and "Almost Irrevocable Economy" in Dec. '97. Korea, along with a few other nations, faced IMF regulation as it declared bankruptcy. Many firms and corporations had to close down, and consequently, many lost their jobs and even ended their lives in despair. All of a sudden, numerous people I knew lost their jobs and houses. Some had to depend on government aids, which were still not sufficient to sustain their daily lives. This tragedy lasted more than two years and millions of people had to suffer.

Gradually, my concerns about the economic depression have been accumulating since the year 1997. At some point in middle school, I began to realize the important roles of professional business leaders who could overcome such debacles. I felt an obligation to be one of them when I grow up so that people around me do not have to repeat the misfortune and devastation they had gone through already.

As a businessman, my father has broadened my knowledge of economics and business. Therefore, early on, I read numerous biographies of famous business leaders such as Chung Chu Young (founder of Hyundai Group), Bill Gates, Victor Zarnowitz etc. Each of them was a great contributor to the well-being of society. From their life stories, I envisioned myself as an influential economist for the next generation

Among the business leaders, Victor Zarnowitz appeals to me the most. His Theory and History Behind Business Cycles truly inspired me to look forward to my own path. He emphasizes the necessity of experiences and insight to become a successful businessman. His theories provide me an understanding of why Korea had to suffer the IMF era. Many Korean business leaders had myopic visions and were not prepared for the worst case scenarios. For instance, CEO of Ssangyong founded a motorcycle plant with the wishful prediction that the market would expand. However, Ssangyong failed to recognize the modern design trend and customers' need. As a result, it had to shut down and thousands of workers lost their job.

I look forward to studying at college to enhance my understandings of economic activities with liberal education. I believe that Carnegie Mellon University has an excellent curriculum that would broaden my perspectives on the short term and long term effects on economy and business cycles. I am still young and unsophisticated. Nevertheless, I have always loved academic challenges and am willing to study diligently while making great friends. Someday, it is my personal wish to become a prudent and down to earth economist who can explain and possibly prevent economic crisis by enlightening the public.

EF_Team  [Moderator] 41 / 219  
Dec 28, 2008   #2
How many posts of other members have you reviewed so far..?
OP Veggy 6 / 16  
Dec 28, 2008   #3
only a couple..sorry I was only concentrating on mine.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 28, 2008   #4
Many firms and corporations had to close down, and consequently, many people lost their jobs and even ended their lives in despair.

Suddenly, numerous people I knew lost their jobs and houses. Some had to depend on government aid, which was still not sufficient to sustain their daily lives.

This tragedy lasted more than two years and millions of people suffered.

Among the business leaders, Victor Zarnowitz appeals to me the most. His Theory and History Behind Business Cycles truly inspired me to look forward to following my own path.

Many Korean business leaders had myopic vision and were not prepared for the worst case scenarios.

As a result, it had to shut down and thousands of workers lost their jobs.

Hi! Good essay, and good luck in school!

:)
cm22 2 / 5  
Dec 28, 2008   #5
i think your essay contain too much what others do, not relate to yourself. how about economic depression in 1997's influence on your family?? Maybe list something close relate to your life will express the deeper feeling and passion for economic.

"As a businessman, my father has broadened my knowledge of economics and business. " his influence just introduce you some books to read? i think you can tell more about your father's influence:)

Just my comments, good luck!!
zowzow 10 / 174  
Dec 28, 2008   #6
is there a prompt or a question you have to answer? it might make it easier for us to correct it and see if it relates to it or not
OP Veggy 6 / 16  
Dec 29, 2008   #7
Thanks Kevin and cm22 for your comments. It helped me a lot. :)

and for zowwow.. the prompt for CMU is..

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.
skim 2 / 12  
Dec 29, 2008   #8
I like your essay but I think it could be focused more on what CMU could offer you
instead of giving too much example of other business leaders?
Other than that, I like it structure/grammar wise.

Good luck :)
OP Veggy 6 / 16  
Dec 29, 2008   #9
you are totally right. But I just wanted to focus more on me and my expeirience. But your comment helped me a lot. Thanks!:)


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