Checkmate!, Online Chess; MIT App; Pleasure activity?

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer):

There I was: sitting in my desktop, trying to feel an opponent I could not see, anxiously waiting his turn. Had he foreseen my intentions? I didn't know. I could feel the sweat, slipping through my neck and falling in the depths of my chest, I knew that this was my chance. He made his move, without noticing his deadly mistake. It was my turn. Without doubting, I moved my solitary lady, right beneath my enemy's defense. Checkmate! I love playing online chess in my free time, not only for simple pleasure but also because it teaches you to anticipate the consequences of your decisions.

I would like you to check for any mistakes I made it would be of great help. Thank you!

I think the semicolon does't quite fit, and you should change it to a comma. Also, I would change the "without doubting" to "without a doubt." and take out the comma after solitary lady. I love your last sentence. Overall, I think you have a really good essay!

I'd change all of the "you" to "me," because in the end, the essay is about you.


No need for a comma at the end.


Sitting in your desktop? Maybe "on" is a bit better.


No comma needed here either.

duquevan


Not really sure what the depths of your chest are. Make this a bit clear. I would add an "and" after the comma.


Sorry if I'm an idiot - this is your queen right? Because you don't reveal chess until later, this might be a bit confusing. You don't have to change it though; I was just curious. However, I would take out the comma.

But I liked it! I liked how you kept it a mystery until the "Checkmate!"

Thanks a lot. I had not noticed those mistakes and is extremely useful for me to have a good proof read like you guys. I really appreciate it.

BTW could you help me to make it shorter withpout cutting the ideas because I passed out by 5 words.