Hi, I was wondering if you could read this through for me and just edit it. I was having a lot of trouble with the small grammer issues like commas and stuff and would appreciate it if you could go through and esp check for those. I was also wondering if you think this is an overall good response to the prompt or if i should re-think my topic. Thanks
Prompt: Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
As I lay in bed cramming for the next day's test, I heard the phone ring. It was one o'clock AM and far too late for anyone to be calling my house, but as thoughts raced through my head only one thought prevailed, someone had died. Just one week earlier, we had received the same call notifying us that my aunt in India had died in a car accident. As I waited and listened for my parents to answer the phone my stomach was overcome with butterflies, and I sat up and listened for any news. Moments later, I heard the lights in the hall turn on and my dad walked to my room to break the news that changed my life forever; my grandfather had just experienced a massive heart attack and was close to dying.
After a few minutes of me laying in bed and trying to comprehend what I had just discovered, my dad told me that he and my mother were taking the next flight to Chicago. After my parents left, I woke my sister and told her the news. We sat and talked for a few minutes before we also decided to try to get tickets. Once we got to the airport, we found that it was impossible to get tickets until the next day so we began driving at three o' clock in the morning and made it to Chicago by nine o' clock the following day.
Once we got to Chicago, my grandfather had already passed away. We went to see him at the hospital and with all the emotions I could not contain myself and broke down. The person who had raised me and taught me to never give up lay in front of me, cold and helpless. Once I regained my composure, I was asked by my father and uncles to give a speech at my grandfather's funeral.
For weeks after the funeral, I could not concentrate on anything to do with education. I could not stand to look at my college applications any longer because they only reminded me of my grandfather, and how he had stood alongside me to help me pursue the educational opportunity he once sought for himself. Soon my grades dropped and my teachers and peers started to notice and asked me if there was anything they could do. At first, I moped around and did nothing, but after reading the speech I gave at his funeral, I realized that there was no point in sulking around and giving up the dream that my grandfather and I had. It was too late for me to change my trimester grades but college still had a chance and I started full force on my college applications.
By experiencing the traumatizing effects of losing a loved one, I became more relentless in the pursuit of my hopes and dreams of going to the best college. I believe that from this event I have become a stronger person, and when I experience a most unfortunate event as this in the future, I will be better prepared to handle the situation, as those who were so strong for me.
Prompt: Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
As I lay in bed cramming for the next day's test, I heard the phone ring. It was one o'clock AM and far too late for anyone to be calling my house, but as thoughts raced through my head only one thought prevailed, someone had died. Just one week earlier, we had received the same call notifying us that my aunt in India had died in a car accident. As I waited and listened for my parents to answer the phone my stomach was overcome with butterflies, and I sat up and listened for any news. Moments later, I heard the lights in the hall turn on and my dad walked to my room to break the news that changed my life forever; my grandfather had just experienced a massive heart attack and was close to dying.
After a few minutes of me laying in bed and trying to comprehend what I had just discovered, my dad told me that he and my mother were taking the next flight to Chicago. After my parents left, I woke my sister and told her the news. We sat and talked for a few minutes before we also decided to try to get tickets. Once we got to the airport, we found that it was impossible to get tickets until the next day so we began driving at three o' clock in the morning and made it to Chicago by nine o' clock the following day.
Once we got to Chicago, my grandfather had already passed away. We went to see him at the hospital and with all the emotions I could not contain myself and broke down. The person who had raised me and taught me to never give up lay in front of me, cold and helpless. Once I regained my composure, I was asked by my father and uncles to give a speech at my grandfather's funeral.
For weeks after the funeral, I could not concentrate on anything to do with education. I could not stand to look at my college applications any longer because they only reminded me of my grandfather, and how he had stood alongside me to help me pursue the educational opportunity he once sought for himself. Soon my grades dropped and my teachers and peers started to notice and asked me if there was anything they could do. At first, I moped around and did nothing, but after reading the speech I gave at his funeral, I realized that there was no point in sulking around and giving up the dream that my grandfather and I had. It was too late for me to change my trimester grades but college still had a chance and I started full force on my college applications.
By experiencing the traumatizing effects of losing a loved one, I became more relentless in the pursuit of my hopes and dreams of going to the best college. I believe that from this event I have become a stronger person, and when I experience a most unfortunate event as this in the future, I will be better prepared to handle the situation, as those who were so strong for me.
