Why Chicago? Supplement - how does UChic satisfy desire for learning =)

This is a draft so I am open to all suggestions. Thank you!

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago. ( a paragraph or two)

To me, college should be an intellectual frontier with an abundance of possibilities for exploration and growth, where I may discover new interests and enthusiasm whilst continuing to pursue my incipient passions. The liberal arts curriculum at University of Chicago, as well as its Common Core, offers wide spectrum of academic disciplines that would sufficiently satisfy my raw and sincere passion for learning. As someone who is interested in pursuing medicine, I would not only want to have a concrete background in biological studies but also in contemporary philosophy to deepen my appreciation for the humanities subjects. To complement this educational ambience in which learning is the top priority, University of Chicago is enlivened by a mosaic student body that comes from diverse backgrounds, which fulfills my desire for cultural heterogeneity in an undergraduate college. University of Chicago is an intellectual community that would not only allow me to interact with students who share my excitement to learn but also provide me with the opportunity to become an addition to this community with my own strengths and flair.

In the spirit of the quarter system University of Chicago has pioneered, I wish to take advantage of the tightly compact schedule and let my very spongy brain absorb as much as it can while allowing it to participate in the myriad of social options Hyde Park and Chicago provide. As an adventurous learner, I also seek to apply what I know. As I further develop my passion for biology by majoring in Biological Sciences at University of Chicago, I hope to engage in the ample undergraduate research programs the Biology Sciences Collegiate Division offers. I hope that University of Chicago will provide me with a cozy intellectual home for the next four years, where both the eager learner and the driven realist within me will feel content at heart.

While this essay is well written, it is just too generic.

Liven up the prose a bit! Your ideas go along these lines: "Exploration & research & cultural heterogeneity"

Of course, there isn't anything wrong with the ideas, but the way you express them is much too bland, in fact, it reads like a psychology text.

Make this essay more human and more personable. Words like "ambience" and "incipient" flout your erudition, but cover up too much of what makes you human and why you want to attend UofC.

I'd suggest speaking directly about what connections you can make at University of Chicago- spiritually,intellectually, and socially. Use personal examples and real examples on the UofC campus. Also, make your prose more raw. Sometimes your writing comes of as long-winded and a bit too highfalutin. Use simpler structures and make sure every word you use is specific and conveys just the right emotion. Make sure each word fights for its right to stay in your essay!

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

Wow that's a really great point. It was really inspirational - I have always appreciated help but I totally see where I should go from here now. Thanks so much and happy holidays too Captian Bhat (yes I did read your essay :) )

Look at how much nicer it is if you omit the first 2 words:
To me, c College should be an intellectual frontier with ...

This is some great writing; your spongy brain is on to something good when you use words like cozy and spongy... very good, you are one of the subtle expressers of feelings, a wordsmith with real magic.

I think your first paragraph is too long.