"no other choice but to become Saudi" - Describe the world you come from

Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

I had no other choice but to be born a female in Saudi. That was God's will, and I will not change what God has decided. I lived most of the seventeen years of my life opposing whatever I find not up to my satisfaction level here in Saudi Arabia. I have lived here all my life, but as they have always said: "The grass is always greener the other side." I did not try to "make our grass greener." Instead, I focused so hard on finding ways to get to the other side where the grass is greener.

Last year I had to write about "How can I turn my passion and enthusiasm into actions that will make Saudi Arabia a country that I'm proud of in the next ten years?" It was a writing competition that I was part of. What I did not know was that it was not simply a contest, it was more. Each time I typed a sentence and reread it, I began to believe it. I did not expect that my power of persuasion could turn against me, but it turned out to be for the best. It made me realize that my attitude wasn't right. I should not keep looking at the positive points of "the other side," but should look at the positive point of my country that I belong to, and the negative points that are vulnerable to the power of human minds and the creativity of Saudi's youth. I know that I can leave this area, where I can't find the grass green enough for me, yet it would only mean that I am weak as I am escaping my troubles.

We do not want Saudi women to feel less than Saudi men. The thing here is that many women here in Saudi see that men are offered more and easier opportunities than women. I have been in this phase myself. Maybe it is because the country is recently becoming open-minded by starting to provide more chances for women. I can see that. I also see many determined motivated open-minded women that outnumber the chances provided. They are willing to break the barrier of old customs and go for every voluntary, educational, or career opportunity they hear of, competing against each other to get them.

Utilizing chances our school provides is the best policy. As a Saudi girl, I do not have that many opportunities to shine and prove myself. Dhahran Ahliyya School (DAS) was different, it compensated for the opportunities our society has not provided enough. The clubs and activities no other schools offered were accessible in ours. DAS even sent girls outside the kingdom for various purposes, including international competitions and conferences. DAS is the one school that includes traveling as an educational experience among all Saudi public and private schools.

Although school has indeed provided me with everything I might ask for, it opened my eyes to witness reality; women should never wait for opportunities to make use of. Instead, we should create them. After observing how DAS overcame challenges to introduce more options for girls with the Saudi Ministry of Education, I realized that. I felt responsible of conducting such change ever since I saw that it was possible. I am able to generate opportunities for me and others my own way by establishing clubs about areas that interests me. Not only did the situation in my country shaped who I am, but it also motivated me to team up with whoever thinks similarly to me and overcome it just like our school did. I believe that I can make the grass greener in the lands of Saudi Arabia. Just wait and see.

VERY GOOD SHORT ESSAY OR OPINION, PERSON SHOULD ALWAYS SEE THE POSITIVE THING IN LIFE IT MAKES LIFE EASY TO LIVE

Thanks!
Any comments on how I could make it stronger?

I think you are concentraring on what is negative about your country. The question asks for you to describe your country and environment and how it shaped you. Even if you want to point out something negative about your country, you need to say how it shaped you. Are you saying that because Saudi Arabia did not give you the opportunities it gives its male members, you wanted to move out of the country and settle elsewhere? If this is the case it has not come out clearly.

It is a powerfully written essay. I, too, would like to see more of the positive aspects that shaped you. Did your parents give you free rein at the bookstore, play word games with you, tell you that your dreams could come true? You say that your school is different than most ... did your parents make sacrifices to send you to a private and more progressive school? Instead of just the obstacles to an education, I'd like to see more about how you overcame those obstacles.

You are a strong writer, Mayada. Use your skills to tell a more complete story where you shine as the hero.

^I on the other hand, have to disagree. I thought that there is nothing powerful about it. I felt as if I were reading an essay about a querulous girl in Saudi, who decided to change her views just for a US college application essay, or that the Saudi girl decided to criticize her country in an attempt to appear patriotic. I do not know you, but that is what I felt reading this essay. I do not know what it is about your essay that even allowed me to feel this, but that is certainly what I felt.


^That is the only line I liked. It has scope to actually make your essay powerful.

EDIT: Ok, I was a bit unclear so I will go in a bit more depth.


^The first few lines actually are the problem. You make it sound as if it is a curse to be a Saudi. Whilst that can be your opinion, perhaps you should not make it so public because people can understand this as either inappropriate, unappreciative and/or insensitive.


^You never say why you think you should look at Saudi positively. What reasons do you have? Your lack of clarity is why I felt that you just wrote this just for a college admissions essay actually.


^There are grammar mistakes here. Many of them. Apart from those, lets discuss context:

Women in Saudi are known to have less rights than men. Is it really just a feeling, or is it an established fact?
How is Saudi becoming more open minded? Who are 'they'.
What do open minded women mean to you?


^None of this discusses how this has shaped you in anyway. You do not describe this in any detail either. I am trying to figure out the importance of this paragraph. From what I can gather, you just benefited from what standard schools provides its students. That is nothing exceptional.


^How has it opened your eyes?
People do not wait for opportunities. They take them as they are presented.
Ok, then if you know that, why even make that sentence. It is just redundant.
How can you make and create opportunities? Bold statements never work favorably.
What change have you conducted?
How can you make the grass greener?

So many questions and you have actually, provided no answers.

Oh, heavens! She is female in Saudi Arabia: by law, a second-class citizen without full legal rights! To demand that she say the positive things about her country is ludicrous. If she has such positive feelings, fine; she will say them. But no admissions officer would look at the application of a member of any overtly discriminated against group in a particular country and expect that person to say what's good about a country that denies them full legal rights.

No, the only trouble with this essay is that it becomes trite and vague toward the end. What opportunities, exactly, does the writer feel that other young women ought to seize? How, exactly, does she envision making her country "greener"?

I do personally believe that women in Saudi are oppressed, seeing as how they are not even allowed to drive, but when you say 'by law', which law are you referring to? Saudi law? Doubt it, since Saudi 'laws' are influenced by a particular doctrine on the Shariah laws, rather than what other countries and societies think are 'laws'.

If you were referring to the US legal system, then yes, the comment on second class citizenship can be accepted. In Saudi, I doubt it. (I rambled off topic here. I just thought that you were being a bit too broad with the word 'by law'.)

Anyways, on to the real stuff:


^Lol. True.

But,
I never said she should talk about positive things.

This is what I said:


in response to:


^I was pretty much commenting on a sentence that Mayada here wrote.


^Which she does not. And she is trying to discuss the positivism of Saudi. Even though, she has not stated any positive feelings. Which is why I thought the essay was weak, because this essay just has statements and no discussion and personal opinions.

The thing is that there are positive things and there are negative things in all countries - the essay is not asking to discuss the negative or positive aspects of a country, but how they shaped her as a human being.

If Mayada has to discuss the negative aspects, she must specify how they affected her - did they make her stronger, more determined to get out and take charge of her own destiny, make her frustrated and give up on her dreams, inspire her to help other women?

Schools often look for students who are different, outstanding, unique - they look for potential leaders, people who can make a difference.
What Mayada needs to do with this essay is to show how inspite of all odds she is an achiever, someone who can rise above her circumstances. Crying about her situation in life is not going to appeal to the admission counselor no matter which part of the world she comes from!

^True. Mayada does not do this.


^Depends on the school really.
But your suggestions are valid and can be very useful for Mayada

Are you Saudi Faisal? Because yes the law is too strict. It is against Saudi law not to wear an "Abaya" while in Islam we are simply asked to wear conservative cloths, not necessarily black and looks like a tent that has room for one person only..

Anyways, I will rewrite the essay ;)

The use of the word "will" implies that you had a choice, but as you just finished pointing out, you didn't actually have one. Perhaps "cannot" would be better?

Hmmmm . . . Try reducing your word count by a third, while still capturing all of the main points your essay currently makes. I suspect that that would strengthen it a great deal.

^Naa I am not Saudi. I do not live there either. I live in Dubai, but I am fairly, not very, familiar with the laws and conditions of living in Saudi.

Yes I know about the Abaya rule in Saudi. Based on my understanding and interpretation, I think that in Islam, women, and men, are supposed to dress in a fashion that does not attract attention from opposite sex members. That is understandable. The 'wow that chick is sooo hot. Damn check her out' is what Islam tries to prevent.

I still do not think that the methods in which Saudi attempts to do this is right, but then again, that is just my opinion. From my understanding, Islam should never be forced upon an individual, let alone a whole a nation, especially considering that some of the people in it are not even Muslims but just expatriates from Western countries.

But I do believe that women who dress up conservatively in very liberal societies draw a lot more unnecessary attention to themselves than if they just dressed up liberally. I believe that with their conservative clothing, these women are drawing a lot of attention, a lot of glances, which is basically what Islam preaches against.

Sean already commented on your intro, and I did so as well earlier.


^Do not use 'it'. It can even refer to time.
Believe my own words?


^The rest does need revision and a fair amount too.

thanks for your revision ;P