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I had come upon a force that I could not understand; Academic Preparation


I was hoping to use this one for academic Preparation!
PLease help me out!

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Throughout my junior year, I had come upon a force that I could not understand. I felt I had stepped on wet cement that dried very quickly and couldn't get out. These struggles ranged from academics, sports, and my family.

Junior year was the hardest to reach that level of greatness in class and at home. I had that constant scolding of, "Your not going to make into college at this rate!" and also the competition with my peers. I was too overwhelmed by everything and I was burnt out by the end of first semester. That same month my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer that was so rare that even the blood tests were inconsistent.

Tennis season came along and I was expected to make Varsity. In tryouts, there was a ladder system where whoever did not reach up to a certain level, they would not make Varsity. I passed that level by defeating 3 players that were from varsity the year before; however the coach believed I should have stayed on JV.

Through all this I gained 2 silver linings that I now apply to everyday of my life: The best is all you need and "Past is past."

Greetings!

If the question is designed to allow you to tell about events that shaped your academic preparation, I'm not sure you are really addressing the issue at hand. You do a good job of explaining stressful events in your life, but the transition to the "silver linings" is quite abrupt and I can't quite see the relation between those two statements and what you've written above. You might want to focus more on the specifics of your academic achievements.

A few observations about the writing:

When you say, "These struggles ranged from ..." you must then use "to..." For example, "These struggles ranged from academics and sports to my family life."

I had that constant scolding of, "Your not going to make into college at this rate!" - The first part is in the dreaded passive voice. Who was doing the scolding? "My parents were constantly scolding me, saying, 'You're not going to make it into college at this rate!' " Note that "Your" should be "You're" because it's a contraction for "You are."

Be sure you are answering the question that is actually being asked and it should help keep you on the right course.

Best of luck!

Sarah, EssayForum.com
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