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Comments on Yale essays? (Why Yale, Reflection on something you would like to say more)



Ryxion 2 / 8  
Dec 29, 2013   #1
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply?

In searching for a college that has a uniquely constructive community and academic establishment, I immediately thought of Yale. Yale has a unique energy that empowers people to become better as they learn together. The rich traditions in Yale such as "The Game" and the "rush" is something that I look forward to. Yale's extracurricular activities, which include even A'Capella and HackYale pique my interest. Finally, thanks to Yale's commitment to students, and its generous financial aid, I can hope to reach my goals at Yale without placing too big a financial burden on my parents.

In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits.

As a child, I gave no thought to my father's occupation. The sight of him coming home after work or going overseas for a short period was a common occurrence to us. Yet, every sight of my father sitting at the sofa, clearly exhausted after a day's work invokes a surge of emotion in me: gratitude, empathy and even sadness.

As the youngest child from a poor family, my father started from scratch and accomplished everything by his diligence. He has always endorsed me to try new things in order to seek out my own passion, be it Taekwando or diabolo lessons. Even though I enjoyed those trials, the ultimate question remains: what do I want to do with my life?

After brainstorming for some time, I finally came up with the answer.

I don't know.

However, I know my choice starts with education. After much gleaning, and with the advice from my father, I chose to pursue chemical engineering, mainly because the aspects covered are my area of interest, but partly because I followed my heart. The "how" in everything has always intrigued me, especially in the handling of common objects, such as wastewater management or recycling plastic bottles into polyesters.

As I ventured further into science, it became clear to me that energy and environment are two of the most important challenges to mankind. This is where Yale's specialty lies. While other colleges usually combine Chemical Engineering to Biological Engineering, Yale combines the former with Environmental Engineering. I think these two disciplines are interdependent because they are well established on their own and they benefit greatly from each other at the same time. This unique relationship is what appeals to me.

Reading Yale's Chemical engineering research and Interdisciplinary Research Priorities has made me even more eager to be a part of Yale's community. All this while I have only read and studied theories and concepts, and now I am eager to put those knowledge into good use. Plus there are research areas such as soft matter and complex fluids and energy, particularly the energy and sustainability research in IRP because sustainability is a crucial factor given the explosive rise in energy consumption. I strongly feel the urge to look into this aspect in my academic life.

Most importantly, Yale's engineering students learn the complex social, economic and environmental implications of new technology. Many other colleges' graduates expand beyond the technical field, but Yale's stands out as one of the most astounding. This all-rounded growth for Yale's engineering students is what I seek because even though chemical engineering is my current choice, it is very possible for me to venture into other fields such as business. No matter what, I feel that the overall knowledge in social, economic and environment aspect is equally important as the curriculum. Again, Yale's engineering program ensures this type of growth, which is why it appeals to me.

In the end, even though I have taken the first step by choosing my education, my ultimate question of "what do I want to do with my life?" still remains unanswered. But I am confident that together with Yale, I can find that answer, and when the day comes, no matter what sort of answer it may be, I know Yale will have prepared me to excel at that choice.

kimmykimkim 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2013   #2
i liked it, but i feel like it needs more emotions
thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 29, 2013   #3
Just from a quick read:

The sight of him coming home after work or going overseas for a short period was a common occurrence to us. Yet, every sight of my father sitting at the sofa, clearly exhausted after a day's work invokes a surge of emotion in me: gratitude, empathy and even sadness. ---- try not to use 'sight' twice in consecutive sentences. Think of a synonym, or restructure one of the sentences.

He has always endorsed me ---- He has always encouraged me

seek out my own passion ---- not sure if seek can be used in this way. Maybe try 'to find/discover my passion(s)'?

be it Taekwando or diabolo lessons. ---- be it Taekwando or diabolo (if you use 'lessons', it'd mean diabolo lessons are your passion)

Even though I enjoyed those trials, the ultimate question remains: what do I want to do with my life? --- Even though I enjoyed those trials, the ultimate question remained: What did I want to do with my life? (you use three tenses in the same sentence and it definitely sounds jarring)

I am very tired right now, will continue tomorrow. Sorry!
arda434 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2013   #4
you need add emotions above-mentioned. Also there is some grammatical mistakes. But overall is good.
OP Ryxion 2 / 8  
Dec 29, 2013   #5
Kimmykimkim and arda434, yeah grammar is not really my forte, but if you could be more specific on the sections that needed more emotions it would be great :)

thenewdude, Thanks a lot! If I can get your impression of the essays it will be a huge help!


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