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Common App; The summer of a lifetime: 'the title flashed at me as I read the newspaper'



johnsonjazism 2 / 4  
Dec 3, 2012   #1
The summer of a lifetime: the title flashed at me as I read the newspaper. My only thoughts were that there were no words to describe my 10-week research internship at the Jackson Laboratory. There, I conducted bioinformatics research analyzing the relationship between sleep and gene expression in a sleep-deficient mouse model. By the end of the summer, I determined the beginnings of a genetic network linking sleep and obesity, candidate gene regulators for sleep and potential gene knockout models. That summer, I put my heart into every script I wrote, every phenotype I studied and every error message I corrected. For as much work as I put in, I received back. My mentors were so impressed with my effort, results and progress in programming that they made special efforts for me to be one of the first students ever to return to the program. Now, as I look back, my 10 weeks there feels like 10 days. 10 days spent learning about programming, genetics, and mice-10 days of my dream job.

I was wondering if I could make the above bolded line a lot better.
original it was- My only thoughts were : there were no words to describe my 10-week research internship at the Jackson Laboratory.
But that's not really grammatically correct so..

linting2012 10 / 78  
Dec 3, 2012   #2
How about this?

My only thoughts were that no words could ever describe my 10 week research internship at the Jackson Laboratory
icanfly1 - / 8  
Dec 4, 2012   #3
My mentors were so impressed with my effort , results and progress in programming that they made special effort

Should change that.

[quote=johnsonjazism]10 days spent learning about programming, genetics, and mice; 10 days of my dream job.

Overall, your response really shows enthusiasm for your field. Just change these errors and you'll be fine.


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