"Community & Pizzazz" - Chapman Supplement

Chapman is just a safety school, but I'd still like the essay to be nice. I feel that right now it's incredibly conventional and sort of bland linguistically...any input would be much appreciated!

Q: There are thousands of universities and colleges. Please tell us why you are choosing to apply to Chapman. How does Chapman match your educational goals, and what do you expect to achieve on campus? (1000 characters)

Aside from your incredible prestige, location, areas of study, and campus, I must say that I am applying to Chapman for two major reasons. The first is that I've discovered that we're quite similar. We're motivated, and filled with pizzazz, and consumed with the arts. We're environmentally conscious, and put priority in serving our communities, which leads me to my second reason for applying to Chapman. I was raised in a small town community, home to parades devoted to butterflies and festivals dedicated to the good old days. As president of my high school's Interact Club, a community service club, I did my best to emphasize the beautiful closeness within my town. It's that sort of local intimacy that I adore about my community, and I love in your university as well. I admire the efforts of Chapman's Student Civic Engagement program, and would certainly join movement, should I be accepted. Programs like those make me look forward to engrossing myself in your community!

This is really well written! Only suggestiong - don't refer to Chapman as 'your school' its not the adcom's school its the school that you are applying to! Also if Chapman is a safety school, I'm not sure how much prestige it has (I've certainly never heard of it) don't be over flattering! Good luck though!

Haha too true, too true! Chapman's a school in southern California, and it's certainly not a bad one. But I think colleges like to have their egos stroked a bit, so I couldn't resist sticking that "prestige" in there (whether or not it's true).

Thanks for the input Miss Platt! I appreciate it.

Take out all the nonspecific stuff:
incredible prestige, location, areas of study, and campus
We're motivated, and filled with pizzazz,
Do not start the essay with this stuff, or the reader will immediately begin to skim instead of really paying attention.

They are looking for specifics. They want to know if you have made yourself aware of how their program for your chosen field compares to other programs at other schools.. and if you have given enough thought to your future, enough so that you have detailed ideas about what you want.

So... get specific with your plan, and let that plan be reflected in the essay. :-)