'Computer as the greatest source of inormation' - MIT Pleasure Essay

This is my essay response to the MIT question: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

Since I built it in the winter of 2010, my computer has been one of my greatest sources not only for information, but also for entertainment. Whether I'm browsing YouTube for informative or funny videos, having 6-player Minecraft adventures with some friends on my server, reading headlines on Google News, playing competitive Team Fortress 2 matches with my team, editing recorded clips of those matches into movies, or simply talking with friends on AIM, I have found that when I have the time to do something just for enjoyment, I can always find that enjoyment in front of my computer.

I don't have much of a problem with the form of the essay (although if you have suggestions, feel free to add them), mainly I'm worried about content. Does this answer the question? Is it too listy? If it is too listy, how should I fix it?

Essay limit is 100 words, essay is 100 words :/

Thanks ahead of time.

I don't think that it is too listy at all. It does answer the question, and I don't think that there is a lot of fixing to be done since it a 100 word response. When given such a short word limit, the admissions people won't be analyzing your rhetoric. They will be trying to figure out who you are. If you approach the question in that manner, all the "fixing" will be done. :) best of luck!

Unless I'm wrong, I'm assuming that one of your activities is building a computer? It doesn't seem like an activity for me, but if it is, you do answer the prompt.

I think it's very listy and the list itself is kind of generic. You might want to only list 2 things (maybe one you think is the most personal or fun one) and then talk more about why you built the computer. What pleasure came out of it besides for entertainment. Do you have an interest in engineering that made you build the computer. WHat was the fun in building the ocmputer? What are its contents.

Maybe put more emotion and thoughts into the essay, which would make the essay even better.

I have to say it's very hard to write a 100 word essay of that topic, but I know you can do it =) More editing makes an essay better :D

Good Luck

=)

I don't really think you understand the essay very well. Building a computer is not a hobby, it's a 1 time thing that you do once every maybe 5 years. The essay was more about what i do on my computer. I built the computer so i could do the things that i mentioned in the essay. I also dont really think the MIT admissions officers will care all that much about the contents of my computer in an essay in which i am supposed to write about what i do for fun.

1st one is kind of listy

Thank you for that extremely insightful and thought-provoking comment. I don't think I would have gotten in anywhere with out your statement that my essay is "kind of listy".

What would anyone suggest i change?