"conservative Dutch city" - Columbia U. what is most appealing about CU &why.

I lived in a small, conservative Dutch city since my freshman year. Students in my high school grew up and attended the same schools together since kindergarten. Adults and teenagers are equally prejudiced and reject anything new or different. I remember my first trip to New York, how I stood in awe at the Times Square because it registered to me that I was standing at the center of the World. Columbia University is a historical, prestigious school where I can enjoy not only the first-class education, but also the harmony of diversity created by the merging of different cultures.

----
does it seem okay? :p
please find any grammatical mistakes..!!! :) thank you.
you guys pwn :D

I have lived in a small, conservative Dutch city since my freshman year. Students in my high school grew up and attended the same schools together since kindergarten. Adults and teenagers are equally prejudiced and reject anything new or different. I remember my first trip to New York, how I stood in awe at the Times Square because it registered to me that I was standing at the center of the World. Columbia University is a historical, prestigious school where I can enjoy not only the first-class education, but also the harmony of diversity created by the merging of different cultures.

Okay, for the parts that I crossed out, I don't get why they have anything to do with what is appealing about Columbia. You need to relate these ideas to Columbia or leave them out together. Plus, you need to write more about the school itself, and not about your life and background.

Good luck.

It could use some mention of your career aspirations and your SPECIFIC plans for the next few years...

Also, it would be good to demonstrate that you have researched Columbia... name some professors, clubs, and resources, for example.

:-)