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I am constantly improving and learning, and that is all that matters! UBC Personal Profile



Ethanchen1998 8 / 18  
Jan 31, 2016   #1
Hey everyone, this is one of my UBC personal profile prompt essay. Please leave any suggestions and comments. Thank you

Be it inside or outside of the classroom, what have you done to challenge yourself intellectually? Describe an issue, topic or area of study that you have investigated or pursued. (maximum 200 words)

An experience that had challenged me intellectually was the defeat at the Richmond Swimming Championship Finals. I started swimming competitively when I was 8 years old. Every year before summer, preparing for the Richmond Swimming Championship, practicing and working hard has been on my daily checklist. Accordingly, Winning the Richmond Champions was certainly as all the hard work and practice had paid off.

Last year summer, I practiced hard as usual. However, I lost in the championship and earned second. I was very depressed, I thought that I would definitely win the championship again. In despite that, I did not give up, I tried even harder instead. I love swimming, throughout the year, I would take my sister to the swimming pool for additional practice. This year, as the championship gets closer, I practice even harder and harder, I practice almost double the amount than before. Unfortunately, I received second again at the swimming meet. After all, I wasn't upset this time, because I bet my previous record by four seconds.

From this experience, I learned that success and happiness come within when comparing to myself. In the future, I will continually compare to myself, because I know I am constantly improving and learning, and that is all that matters!

Hiddengrace 6 / 118  
Jan 31, 2016   #2
Hi Ethan. I like your story and how you describe your hard work and perseverance. While I understand that this is experience was challenging for you, something is missing. Either your response doesn't fit the prompt or you have left something out of your essay (or I misunderstood something), because I don't see anything in your essay thst describes the intellectual challenges involved with swimming. Swimming is a physical challenge, not an intellectual one. An intellectual challenge might be something in school that you struggled with that was hard for you but you overcame.

You do have some grammar and punctuation errors, but I think it might be best for you to think more about the prompt and your experiences before I make any edits.
OP Ethanchen1998 8 / 18  
Jan 31, 2016   #3
Thank you for your advice @Hiddengrace, when I was writing this, I thought about it too. I probably rewrite this one. Thanks!


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