"Crescendo" - Yale RD Supplements

Hi, I would appreciate all the feedback I can possibly get for two of my Yale supplemental essays! Thank you :)

Why do these areas appeal to you?

(125 words or fewer):

Cre·scen·do: a gradual increase in the volume of music.
There it was. Glistening from what seemed a mile away, my feet subconsciously began to move. In the music store filled with countless other instruments, I immediately fell in love with the flute.

From learning Hot Cross Buns on the flute to singing in my high school choir, my love for music has only continued to crescendo to this day. At Yale, studying music will allow me to convert my passion into action. I hope to use music to better understand how the brain works to help treat physical and mental problems. Just like how my love for music continues to crescendo, I strive to allow others to do the same.

One Question / Topic Per Thread

You do not really respond to the question of why these areas of of study appeal to you. I am not sure what your chosen major actually is so I cannot give course specific advice at this point. I can only base my advice to you on what i sense is missing from your statement. Speaking of why you fell in love with a musical instrument is a good reference point for your response. However, you haven't gone into specifics regarding the areas of study that relate to your chosen major and the personal consideration or academic reason for your interest. Try to create a more descriptive response presentation that delves into the 2 areas that reflect the appeal that this area of study has for you. Cite one academic reason and one academic reason. I would have liked to have been more specific in advising you but the information you provided is too general for. I do not want to end up guessing and giving you the wrong advice in relation to the prompt.