'cultivating informed civic action' - Bates Supplement for 2012 Enrollment

I am planning on apply to Bates College and I recently had to write their supplement. I hope you can help me revise this essay to the best of your ability. Thank You!

Supplements:
In addition to the Common Application essay, please select one phrase from the Bates mission statement below and comment on his it inspires you and draws you to Bates (1-2 paragraphs).

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

"With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action." To me this quote, demonstrates how Bates could enable me to demonstrate my excitement of learning. Being that Bates is a liberal arts college, this college is able to give their students the chance to branch out from their particular major and have the ability to widen their curiosity. I hope to transform myself and become more cultivated in the ever changing environment of the world. It would be my civic responsibility to give back to the place from which my mother came from. I hope to share my knowledge to medically aid the children of Cambodia with cataracts. It is a glimpse of ample space that Bates provides me so that I could live my passion of applying the sciences to help another. "With ardor and devotion" I would provide Bates with the recognition of my eagerness to learn and how my civic duties would positively affect the world beyond Bates.

Maybe you should take out the comma below, sounds a little awkward:
me this quote, demonstrates how Bates could enable
this college is able to give its students the chance
become more cultivated in the ever- changing environment

To me this quote, demonstrates how Bates could enable me to demonstrate my excitement of learning.----It's not good to use that same work twice in this single sentence.

I hope to transform myself and become more cultivated in the ever changing environment of the world. ---This sentence does not really say anything. Do you know what I mean? It does not tell about a specific aspiration. If you change the word cultivated to something else, you might be able to make the sentence meaningful.

It would be my civic responsibility to give back to the place from which my mother came. from . I hope to share my knowledge to medically aid the children of Cambodia with cataracts. ---This is good; it's very specific. The most impressive thing is to have clear, specific goals.

I would provide Bates with the recognition of my eagerness ---This right here is not good. You don't provide them recognition of your eagerness. Or, I guess you could do that by demonstrating eagerness, but you used an unnecessarily complex way of saying it. Instead of using complicated sentences, use simple sentences that express specific ideas. And the best method is to express one excellent goal that has something to do with your talents. What talents will you apply while learning about the kinds of medicine you want to practice?

:-) Good luck! I like your ideas.