Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


'My dedication to music' - FSU philosophy; "Vires, Artes, Mores"



SaturntheWolf 1 / 2  
Aug 31, 2009   #1
The prompt is: "For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life."

"Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art." This expresses no exaggeration when it says there is beauty shown every form of art. In my opinion, the most wonderful art form is music.

After my mom passed away, I was depressed and I did not know what could help me get over her death. I had just moved back to Florida and had no friends. I had already enrolled in the band program at my school, so I started playing music to help my lessen my depression. I was eleven-years-old, trying to teach myself the saxophone with this red book that my band director, Mr. Keon, recommended to me. Needless to say, I was never in the front row with all of the talented players in beginning band class. I always wanted to be in the first row, then again, who did not? So, I took lessons over the summer from the local music tutor Jeff, and I started seeing the better side of myself and becoming less depressed. It wasn't until two-and-a-half years of playing when Jeff helped me see the Artes. He encouraged me to try out for All-State and All-County, and participate in the Solo/Ensemble festival. These programs have shaped me into the "Saxophone Goddess" that my fellow band members have come to call me. I could not have done it without seeing the Artes.

My dedication to music has been very fulfilling and exciting. Through participating in the arts, I have found not only Artes, but also the people who make it even more beautiful. Ever since I have had a taste of the Artes, I have been hooked on finding it every time I play.

Llamapoop123 7 / 433  
Aug 31, 2009   #2
"Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art." This expresses no exaggeration when it says there is beauty shown every form of art. In my opinion, the most wonderful art form is music.

Don't quote the prompt and don't define Artes for an admissions officer who has already read tons of essays describing it.

Your essay has the potential to be a strong emotional story but it falls flat as written. Perhaps getting over your mothers death has brought out the Vires in you also. I really like your idea of playing music to soften the blow. Explain that process. Expand on how you were able to overcome.
Diiyah 3 / 7  
Aug 31, 2009   #3
grammar mistake:
"help my lessen my depression"

should be "help ME lessen my depression".
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Aug 31, 2009   #4
My dedication to music has been very fulfilling and exciting. Through participating in the arts, I have found not only Artes, but also the people who make it even more beautiful.

It's these kinds of summarizing statements, along with the introduction, that make the essay bland despite it's powerful emotional content. Stay with what happened and how you felt. In conclusion, say something more specific than "very fulfilling and exciting."
OP SaturntheWolf 1 / 2  
Aug 31, 2009   #5
Thank you for the comments everyone. I will post a revised essay soon.


Home / Undergraduate / 'My dedication to music' - FSU philosophy; "Vires, Artes, Mores"
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳