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The most disgraceful program becomes the epitome of my responsibilities BROWN ESSAY!!



tehfunkicookie 19 / 49  
Dec 18, 2011   #1
This is my brown essay! I am within the character count, but please help me critique!! Be as hard as you like

PROMPT:
Sculptor Jacques Lipchitz once said, "Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain and looking around. If you go higher, things will look different; if you go lower, again they will look different. It is a point of view." With this in mind, describe a moment when your perspective changed. Max: 2000 characters

Before joining the International Baccalaureate (IB) program, many students and told me that it was a waste of time. They explained that the curriculum was the same as AP except with more work. Being exposed to these dogmatic opinions, I soon inherited the same negative view as well. With the extended essay and required community service, I thought the IB program was pointless and just another academic force that would give me stress. However, being the challenging person I was, I decided to join during the fall of sophomore year.

During junior year, I continued to view IB with the same pessimistic attitude as I did my sophomore year. I realized that what everyone warned me about was true: I was barraged with overwhelming research papers and demands from the teachers. I spent more time poring over textbooks than hanging out with my friends. My negative view of IB and stress level began to reach their apex; however, it was during first semester finals that my perspective changed. During finals, my Biology and English HL teachers decided to cram me with two projects along with the final exams. At first, I thought that I was going to fail because I knew that I wouldn't have enough time to study and do the projects because of my horrible procrastination habits; however, after going through 2 months of discipline and developing time management skills, I was able to form a formidable schedule in which I would be able to rest, study, and finish both projects. When finals day came, I finished both the two exams with ease and came home with a report card with 5 A's and 1 B.

Looking back at how successful I was, I now see the IB program as a supportive program that enhanced my management skills and adapt to a high academic and stimulating environment. By pushing me to my limits, IB has drastically allowed me to seek my own potential and academic capabilities. As an IB senior, I continue to carry on the positive view of IB and inform others of why it's a great program.

super57 6 / 23  
Dec 18, 2011   #2
Hooks missing! when someone reads the first line he can tell the essay is going to be boring1 dont do that, try rephrasing your first sentence in a way that the reader enjoys it and kicks in reading it. Your content is good and sentence well built:) hope i was some help. Sorry for rudeness am just trying to help.
twilista 3 / 13  
Dec 18, 2011   #3
I agree with super57. I definitely think that you should make your essay more exciting. The first line is one of the most crucial points of any essay. You want to make sure that you can hook in your reader and make them want to read your essay.


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