Doing something for the first time can be extremely intimidating... Describe an unfamiliar situation

Doing something for the first time can be extremely intimidating, however, great skills are gained once the challenge is overcome.

I still remember the first time I scored in rugby. It was 10 minutes after the kick-off, I noticed a gap between the players on the opponent team in the ball-passing direction. An idea flashed into my mind, when I realized the defence could be crushed by cutting off the ball. I have never done this in practice before; as a winger, I was supposed to receive the ball rather than to push the line. I looked around but none of the forwards seemed to bust a move. There was no more time, so I dashed to the ball and caught it in the air. Then I sprinted with all my strength towards the goal line; I ran until my legs were numb. The whistle was blown the moment I grounded the ball, announcing my first try in the season.

Since then, my progress in rugby has sped up radically. I learn that the courage to step in and embrace the problem is what truly makes the change in our life.

really good essay.
the challenge is overcome === overcame

Yujie, there is something that you need to understand about these types of essays. The narration cannot be this short and it has to have a more life changing effect upon your personality. When the reviewer reads about an unfamiliar situation, it should be something that challenged you in an intellectual manner. The story that you told focuses more on a sport strategy that does not relate directly to something that you can use in actual life. If you notice, your final statement was even shorter and more focused on your progress in the sport. Which is not the way the this essay should be focused.

You should have posted the complete prompt at the top of your essay so that we could have a clearer idea as to what the prompt specifications are. There may be some parts of your essay that could still be used in the adjusted response or, you might need to write a totally new essay altogether. It all depends upon how the prompt wishes you to discuss the unfamiliar situation. Kindly post the prompt as soon as possible so that I can offer you better guidance regarding the content and format. The one thing that is sure is this, this essay cannot be used in its current form. It will require a number of changes before it becomes ready to submit with your application.

I think that what you have written would make a good introduction. You could use your rugby experience as a springboard to launch into an analysis of your intellectual interests, which I'm sure you have. Grit, tactical awareness, and creativity all come into play in an academic environment. Find a way to integrate your sporting skills into your academic strengths. Colleges will appreciate this.